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Supernatural - Castiel fresco

December 2010

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Jun. 7th, 2010

Buffy - Angelus Bars

:(

I am so bored.

I hate living here, there are no jobs, and the only jobs that are here are stupid fast food or wal-mart-esque type jobs.

God I hate it here.

Sidenote: Do you ever feel like a whiny little emo bitch?
Tags: , , ,

Jun. 5th, 2010

Supernatural - Sam/Dean Blueish

HOLY CRAP

Okay, so I did a search for 'Sam and Dean Winchester' on google, then did the image search and My Manip of Sam/Dean came up on the first page.



Thing is that it's not the one I posted. Turns out that someone else just snatched it up and reposted it on flikr without crediting. I'm not sure how I feel about this.

I mean I know logically that anything you put on the internet is up for grabs, but I feel some sort of anger that someone just took it and reposted it without a second thought after I spent hours of time on it.

I used to get so mad about this type of thing back when I was making icons by the dozens, but that's not even that huge of a deal.

In this situation I feel like in some ways I have the right to feel angry, I mean I spent time making that and not only has it been reposted thoughtlessly, but it's now like on a huge search engine ON THE FIRST PAGE.

What should I do about this? Should I ask her to remove it? To credit it? I'm not sure how exactly I feel about this other than kind of annoyed and I'm definitely unsure of what to do... Do I just leave it?

?_?

EDIT: Further more, looking through this chick's flickr account she has shit tons of photos that I've never seen of the boys (Jared and Jensen) I mean wow!

Jun. 3rd, 2010

Supernatural - BloodRed Sam touch

O_O Too much kink...

So I decided I'm going to make an uber master list of all the SPN Dom/Sub fics in existence. Yeah I know I'm crazy. Anyway, I've spent the last like three hours over on spnstoryfinders using the 'kink' tag to try and weed out the D/s fics, and man do I have to say, we are a bunch of kinky bitches. @_@ I mean like creepy, weird, squicky, crazy, kinky bitches.

I am all for kink, but when you're reading about nothing but kink requests for three hours it starts to get a little skeezy. Like okay, I can get on board with a LOT of things, but I just... it's kind of scary when you look at it. From bestiality *shudders* to like Jensen being fat/thin, to ropes and collars and knives and blood. It all starts to get a little crazy.

Anyway, my reason for posting was that I just kind of realized how... weird different we all are in our approach to sexuality and what turns us on. It's interesting to read about the intricacies of what we like to read about. I mean I kind of know what my bulletproof kinks are, and I thought they were slightly naughty, but now I think they're downright tame in comparison.

I don't know why I'm posting this, I just found it interesting and a bit... scary crazy and I wanted to share.

Maybe I've just been up too long, it is 6AM... haha, okay I'm going to bed.

P.S. If you know of any SPN Dom/Sub stories feel free to send me links. :)
Supernatural - BloodRed Sam touch

Eeeek icons and design

I just deleted and purged what feels like about half of my icons but was really only about 20.

Man that made me a lot more anxious than I thought it would.

It's so funny, I look through other people's icons every once in a while and I feel so inferior. I mean I do graphic design for a living and 100x100 pixel icons make me feel like crap. WTF is up with that?! I was looking through one of my lj friends icon section tonight and I was all pouty face. It's so weird because I used to feel this like huge all-encompassing burning need to have better icons, well to create better icons, than the ones I was seeing and after four years I still feel the exact same way. I have no idea what causes my competitive streak when it comes to this, but it's there none the less.

I got bunches of icons made this past week. They're taking me longer than I had expected, I'm getting about 1 made every 45 minutes, so in a three hour block of watching TNG I can usually make about 4 icons. It's kind of sad how long it's taking me, but I think I'll figure it out.

One thing that's been driving me crazy in my rl design career, and that's resurfacing in my icon making, is the idea and aspect of being original. I am obsessed with being an authentic and original person and I pretty much hate anything that fakes being real or unique (i.e. any movies on Lifetime or ABC Family, a lot of NBC reality shows, romance novels etc.). I will mock certain tv programs for hours because they actually make me a mad. Something about diluting real life into a feel-good craptastically perfect world is insulting to me. It degrades the real experiences of being human and living life.

When it comes to design I really struggle because a lot of times I get inspiration and ideas from other people or other designs in the field and I kind of feel like that's cheating. I find it hard to come up with something completely unique and original. It's not that I can't come up with something, it's just that I want whatever I come up with to be good. Maybe that's the problem, maybe I've been to busy trying to be successful in design and I haven't spent enough time just working to create whatever I can, even if it sucks.

One of my teachers in college talked about how great designers are innovative and create unique things that lead the design revolutions and new trends, while good designers are just able to copy what's already out there really well. That has really stuck with me and a lot of the time I'm afraid that I'm just copying what I see or taking something someone else has made and refurbishing it with a new twist. I don't want to be a remodeler I want to be an innovator and I'm not sure I know how.

It kind of terrifies me to think of just creating something weird and misunderstood. In some capacity I think that's really the only way I can ever be original and that just feels so awful to me.

I got into design because I enjoy the process and the result, and if the process of creation is just copy and paste then why bother? I never thought I wanted to be just a production designer, going through the motions, but I feel as if that's all I'm doing anyway.

I don't know... It's just something that's been bugging me the last few years and I'm not sure I'll ever really be able to suss out the problems in my design strategies and fix them. I don't know, I just don't.

Jun. 2nd, 2010

Supernatural - Castiel fresco

Star Trek TNG

Okay so I just finished watching 3x16, the episode 'The Offspring', in which Data creates a daughter. God that was like the saddest thing ever. His daughter dies and he can't even feel it!?

As an emotional person I'm fascinated by the idea of limited or no emotions. Data creating a child and then having no emotions about her was kind of hard for me to swallow at first, but I really think that the writers did a great job logically explaining why Data wanted to become a parent.

The one thing that bothered me was that Lal died in the first place. I mean it seemed like a crappy plot device to solve a conflict, but then it actually turned into a moving scene for me.

Basically I thought it was a really great episode. I have this like extreme need to see Data become human. I don't think he ever does become human, and anyone who's watched TNG knows for sure, but it's kind of unfair for him to be able to create another android that could feel and HE can't even do it.

Ahh well. It's a good show...

I also really need to make some TNG icons...

May. 31st, 2010

Supernatural - Castiel Glorious

A little bit of sunshine

I'm a tiny bit sunburnt.

I threw an emo shit fit last night because a friend of mine got a job. That's kind of pathetic that instead of feeling happy for her I get all emo and retardedly depressed because I don't feel like I can get a job.

One good thing came out of it though, I was able to snap myself back to reality, which has never happened before. Usually it just gets worse until Mom fixes it.

Anyway so after I went through this stupidness I decided to grab my destiny by the balls. My motivation won't last, but today I've been really good about food intake and I also went out and helped clean the garage and I washed the car. We've still got more to do, but it's something.

No real news otherwise. Happy Memorial day!

May. 30th, 2010

Supernatural - Castiel Glorious

Random Fun SPN Thoughts & Star Trek

So I was thinking, and somebody should TOTALLY write a fic about 'Changing Channels' so that Castiel is somehow involved and they have to recreate an episode of 'Touched by an Angel' and other crazy tv shows. Oh man I can just imagine the awesome comments from Dean. Haha

Anyway, I've been watching ST TNG all day while making icons and I'm loving it. The inacuracies and stunted plot-points are kind of funny. I was watching a S3 episode and I couldn't stop snickering every time the towns people referred to Picard as 'The Picard,' because they thought he was their god.

I'm liking TNG, particularly Riker, he's a foxy beast and I kind of have an old-school crush on him. I've never really been able to look at older actors when they were young and think they were attractive, but I think it's because I don't think I've seen Jonathon Frakes before.

The show is good but I pretty much hate Wesley Crusher episodes, not that the story lines are bad, but Wil Wheaton's acting is AWFUL when he's in those full-house-self-discovery-the-moral-of-the-story scenes. It kind of makes me want to cringe.

Anyway, I'm off to make more icons and watch more. My current icon is one I made the other day. :)

May. 28th, 2010

HarryPotter - RonIconEffect

Meme thing and Icons

Five questions meme.
1 - Leave a comment, saying you want to be interviewed.
2 - I will respond; I'll ask you five questions.
3 - You'll update your journal with my five questions, and your five answers.
4 - You'll include this explanation.
5 - You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.

I was interviewed by xthrowitaway.

1. What is the nerdiest thing you've ever said/done?
Oh man, no clue, usually I just remember the crappy stuff I've said. I think just whenever I've squeed about Supernatural or any of my fandoms, that's pretty nerdy.

2. Do you watch make-up tutorials on YouTube?
No, but I've seen them before, I watched one about doing a 40's pinup look but the girl was on crack cause she just looked goth at the end.

3. Do you drive? And if so, what kind of car?
Yes but I don't own a car, I'm stuck with our old '91 Aerostar. Most of the time I drive our '08 Edge though.

4. What kind of person are you attracted to?
Heh heh heh, nice there with the key word being 'person.'
Attractive Abercrombie and Fitch type models for boys - pretty and, not built-but like definitely muscled, usually brunette, green or blue eyes. As for chicks I'm not really sure, I know looks wise what general area I gravitate towards, but no definitive clue personality wise. I like girls who are pretty and soft, girly, usually redheads. I think that is so weird btw. Why God decided to make us like certain types of people I'll never know, but there you have it.
I'm always attracted to people (mostly guys) who are like assholes that think they're the coolest thing since sliced bread. I don't know what that's about.

5. How do you feel about water births?
CREEPY! There have been women giving birth NOT in water for like thousands of years so I think it's safe to assume that that is an okay way to go about it. I don't like the idea of people sweating so the thought of a tub full of baby grossness is disturbing to me. *shudders*

ANYWAY, okay, so in other news I've spent like all day watching Star Trek TNG while making icons. I spent like the last two days creating a simple Castiel Wing manip, that is far from real looking up close, but perfect for icons. So now I've been making icons all day. I've got I think like 9 Cas Wing icons and I've got like two or three more and then I'm going to make some general SPN icons. Hopefully I'll get the icons done by the end of the weekend. Right now I'm working at a rate of like 1 icon ever 45 minutes. I never remembered them taking this long before, but maybe that's just because before I wasn't spending so much time perfecting them. *shrug* I dunno.

Anyway that's all for now. ;)
Supernatural - BitchyJennyNoir

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

Okay, so I just really wanted to say Fuck, but I'm still irritated.

I feel listless and annoyed. I'm so sick of looking for jobs I don't want and then applying to said jobs and not getting a response or getting a response and not getting the job.

BLECK!

I hate this economy and I'm really fucking sick of living here. The thing that like baffles my mind is that I'm good at what I do! I'm not even getting phone calls or email responses and I'm good at what I do! There are like 6 graphic design related positions in the city at any given time and there are probably 300 people applying for them so clearly the odds are against me.

I don't know what to do anymore. I mean I can only keep applying, but in about a month all of the other college graduates are going to be out there as well and that is NOT good.

Fuck this economy and fuck the stupid people who decided it would be a good idea to buy a $300,000 house when they only make $60,000! Fucking consumerism and mass consumption, sometimes I kind of hate that I'm American.

/rant
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May. 26th, 2010

Emotions - Content Gale Blue Coffee

Writer's Block: Cat talk

If your dog or cat had a mobile phone, who would be listed first on her or his speed dial?


Haha Leo's top four:

1) Mom's home phone
2) Mom's Cell Phone
3) Mom's work phone
4) Local pizza place
5) Em

Sofie wouldn't ever make phone calls or answer the phone, she would be too busy ignoring everyone.

In other news I had an interview today, I hope it turns out well/I like the job. It was super quick and I enjoyed the meeting, if they call me back I will have a two hour shadowing session next Tuesday. My interviewer was interviewing 29 people, though, and she's only calling back the top 3.

Just hope for me. :)

May. 25th, 2010

Other - Pencil

Thoughts on my life for the past few years - Psychoanalizing myself

So I've started reading "Living in the Age of Entitlement: The Narcissism Epidemic" by Jean M. Twenge and W. Keith Campbell.

I'm not really a non-fiction type of person per se, but I love learning about myself (HAHA! Irony!) and other people, so the psychology of the book sounded interesting. I don't know if I'll be able to finish the book, but it's making me think and I'm only about 20 pages in.

Cut for length, long descriptions about who I am, my past, and my issues, and where I hope to go.Collapse )
Emotions - WTF!?

Lost Series Finale

Warning: I am not a happy camper.

SpoilersCollapse )

May. 24th, 2010

Supernatural - Sam light

Supernatural Fic: One Absence of Truth (Sam/Gabriel Pre-slash)

I wrote a shit ton of fic!! Check it out!

Title: One Absence of Truth
Author: emella
Rating: PG
Pairings or Characters: Sam/Gabriel Pre slash, hints of Sam/Dean if you squint.
Length: Roughly 9600 words.
Warnings: None…? Spoilers, maybe.
Spoilers: General Spoilers for season five.
Summary: Four times Sam encounters Gabriel and one time he doesn't.

Author’s Notes: First of all, there should be like an award given out to lunabee34 for her awesome beta’ing skills. I hadn’t realized how rusty and craptastic I was until I opened my beta’d fic to a sea of red. Kudos to you, Sweetie, and thank you!
Author’s Note 2: Okay so this fic happened when the Gabriel muse whispered screamed in my ear. I kind of see it as a coda-ish type of fic for ‘Hammer of the Gods.’ I had this crazy idea that for some reason Gabriel has been visiting Sam throughout his life. Then I got the brilliant crazy idea that it was sort of Gabriel’s last piece of unfinished business. So I hope it works well, I really, really, really hate the idea that Gabriel is gone for good, and I kind of really hope that he isn’t.
Author’s Note 3: Title is from the song “In This Hole” by Cat Power.

One Absence of TruthCollapse )
---

Thanks, and comments are always welcome. :)
Supernatural - SammySplitface

Beta?

Is there anyone who would mind Betaing my Sam/Gabriel Pre-slash fic? I posted a request on spn_betas but no one has responded. It's around 9600 words and I just need Spelling Grammar and overall comprehensiveness.

Thanks guys!

May. 23rd, 2010

Supernatural - Prophet Chuck

I have a theory that it's bunnies

I don't know if this needs a cut for spoilers - SPN S5 Finale theoryCollapse )

Also, on a slightly unrelated note, I'm gathering screen caps to make icons!! Yay!

May. 22nd, 2010

Supernatural - Dean Snorfle

Fun with fic!

Oh man you guys.

This fic, The Assumption of the Winchesters (Plus Bobby) by pulaski_casimir is MADE of awesome. It's hilarious and enjoyable and I can totally get behind the fact that a partying version of Michael would totally be Chad Michael Murray.

Haha Awesome!
Supernatural - Dean smiley bluegreen

DUDE!

Oh my gosh! You guys!! You guys I just finished like almost 10,000 words of Sam/Gabriel Pre-Slash Pre-Finale fic!!!

I am AWESOME!

That is the most non-school-related thing that I've ever written. EVER.

Now if only I had a beta...

Mwahaha!

May. 21st, 2010

Supernatural - Castiel fresco

Grrr

Sam and Gabriel are pissing me off. Okay, well not really them, but my story. I feel like it's not coming together right and the action parts of my writing are craptastic.

It's more along the lines of pre-slash, but it's making me a little pissy that I can't work in all the stuff that I want to. Two out of the five (yes it's five now) parts are good, but I wrote numero three last night and I think it sucks. gah.

I know what I want for the final part and I think I know what I want for the second to last part, but the blah-ness of the third part is kind of making me want to just throw in the towel.

*whines* Sam and Gabriel are being mean to me!! Wahhh!

Ugh, I don't even know.

Maybe I should just try and write the fourth part and come back? I wish I had like a writing coach or something, this bitch is getting on my nerves.

In a more pleasant turn of events I kind of want to make some icons later. I'm hoping that I can crank out the next part of my story and then make some icons while I watch Star trek.

I dunno, hopefully Gabe and Sam are willing to work with me.

Wish me luck.
Brokeback - Jake Exist

Life sucks

and is bullshit.

That is all.
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Supernatural - Sam Ravenclaw

Wooo!

I'm half done with my Sam/Gabriel fic. Only three more parts to go! I really want to take a word count, but I'm afraid I'll jinx it. I just hope I can keep going!

Wish me luck!

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