In everything. All of my friends are in college or away and my mom/best friend doesn't give a crap. I'm just so stressed and depressed. I feel like I'm stuck in this house and I can't escape. My work is stressing me out and it's not that hard. My job is making me question my thoughts as a person, my methods and ideas and philosophies.
I feel like I'm never going to escape this feeling of uselessness and depression. Like my life has no direction. I'm just feeling everything start to collapse on top of me. I don't know whether to be mad, or cry, or sulk, or what. It's like all my feelings are pulling me apart.
I don't know if I can do this, start up my life when I don't feel like it's worth it.
I have a huge fear of growing old. Well, Growing old, being poor, unloved, and a failure. Every day I get older I feel like my life is taking a step in the wrong direction.
I alwasy thought that when I got this age, everything would fall into place. Now all I feel is this horrible feeling of why.
Why do I have to be the one who can't go to school, or do homework? Why do I have to have bad grades and shitty attendance? Why do I have to barely graduate and not apply to colleges? Why me?
I know people are like, 'well get off your butt and do something about it.'
My thought is, What's the point. Nothing ever turns out the way you want it, and your usually dissapointed.
I don't want to be this person anymore. I want to start over. I want to enter HS and be a different person, start over.
That will never happen and I hate that I didn't do certain things with my life.
Why do I have to be me?