Someday you'll need to stand tall again (emella) wrote,
Someday you'll need to stand tall again

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We got our house today. It's very pretty.

We closed, it rained, we watched the pond.

Oh, I also learned that my life is over. Yep, mark June 29th as the day Emily died.

Yeah so I'm sort of a drama queen, but yup my life is over. I can see McDonalds uniforms and Burgerking hats.

I'm not sure how to really react. I mean, I cried my eyes out when I found out. Yeah...

So I guess I'll really be a bum now.

Don't bother trying to discearn my ramblings it doesn't matter. It's over with now. Maybe I should be done with it and kill myself. I could drown myself in my new bathtub.

That would be too much for mom.

Yeah I thought about running away to Alabama. Losers are the ones that run away from there problems. But oh yeah, I'm a loser now so it doesn't matter.

God, I guess your life really does end at 20. If your life is based out of highschool so much, why don't they tell you that.

I can't fucking take this anymore. I don't know what I'm doing anymore and I can't stand it. I had a mental breakdown during my senior year because I hadn't fulfilled my expectations. I guess this is the point when I stop having expectations.

Maybe I should join a cult commit myself.

See the thing is, I hadn't even prayed or thought that it wouldn't happen. I assumed, and in all things when I assume thigs usually start to suck.

Maybe most people at 20 don't need to know what they're doing for the rest of their lives, but I always sort of knew that I would know.

Eh, I have a year left. Maybe my life will actually start looking up.

I'm like numb. I had this whole thing where I would go and life would be great and I would spend a few years figuring everything out. Well surprise, surprise, I'm slapped in the face again.

I hope those starving poor shelterless third world people are at least decently happy. Yeah...

Well, I guess that's it.

I love Xander, I know how he feels now.

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