100 things meme. Except I made it 120. Yeah, so here:
1.) I love memes.
2.) I’m a virgin.
3.) I know more about sex, gay sex in particular, than half the people my age.
4.) I love blue nail polish.
5.) I lie a lot, but usually not when I am online. In essence, I am ashamed of myself and my life.
6.) My computer is 80% of my life.
7.) I have never been kissed.
8.) I have never been on a date.
9.) When I was young, I was perpetually afraid that people would think I was a lesbian.
10.) I probably will never cut my hair to above my shoulders.
11.) I hate my body.
12.) I’m obsessed with death.
13.) I’m afraid of the deaths of those around me.
14.) I think about suicide a lot.
15.) I have depression, and don’t take my medicine.
16.) I’ll probably die alone as a virgin.
17.) I hate fat people, but I am a fat person.
18.) I love cherry kool-aid, but only with actual sugar.
19.) I’m a narcssicist.
20.) I am never satisfied with my appearance and will obsess over my lack of a good one forever.
21.) I am afraid of growing old.
22.) I will die the day I turn 40, because at 40 I will be old, and thus on my way to death.
23.) If you add up the days I was ‘sick’ in high school, I missed almost an entire school year.
24.) I had a breakdown senior year because I didn’t have my life figured out, was a loser, had no college plans, and I was a complete loser.
25.) I don’t really have any friends.
26.) My best friend is my mother.
27.) My other best friend I have never met. We have been friends for six years and we met online.
28.) I love ketchup.
30.) I have an extreme passion for movies and I don’t know anyone else who likes them as much as I do.
31.) I will never be tired of ‘The Shawshank Redemption.’
32.) I love fandom and it is permanently in my life.
33.) Thirty three is my lucky number because in elementary school we had a number, it was alphabetical and we had to write our number on every one of out school papers. My number was 3.
34.) I hate chatting on messenger with people I’ve actually spoken with.
35.) No one ‘gets’ me, and my humor and sarcasm will be forever lost.
36.) I once wrote about how I am a ‘doomed character’ self destructive without actually being self destructive. I am like Jesse, written in to be killed off, but by some chance of luck I’m still here and no one remembers than I’m here, or they just plain don’t care.
37.) I have shy tendencies because I hate my appearance.
38.) I used to have a plan that when I became a teenager I would grow up, have friends, magically get a job, get thin, and get pretty.
39.) I have a pretty face, but forget about my birthmark, so sometimes it’s a shock to think I might freak people out.
40.) I am scared of bugs and old houses.
41.) I obsess over conversations sometimes months later, sometimes because I hate what I said, actually, usually because I hate what I said.
42.) I feel I am extremely bossy and picky.
43.) I am the most stubborn person I know.
44.) I get angry sometimes.
45.) I hate coughing.
46.) I was/am allergic to chocolate.
47.) I don’t really like chocolate.
48.) Food is comfort and I usually want to starve myself, but end up eating anyway.
49.) I can’t swallow certain vegetables. Lettuce, for instance; the texture causes me to gag.
50.) I love taking baths.
51.) I’m never honest to people I don’t know very well.
52.) I would rather lie or play a long than admit I don’t know something or that I made a mistake.
53.) I am a perfectionist in most things that matter to me.
54.) People and movies inspire me and I want to record my thoughts with this inspiration.
55.) I love having a breakthrough thought, when I realize something that was under my nose all along.
56.) I hate school.
57.) I’m the most ambitious person I know, but because I have no self-discipline, I never achieve much.
58.) I’m finding that the people I always thought were cool are actually just empty.
59.) I meet better people and more people I like on the internet than in real life.
60.) I feel like my boobs are funny shaped.
61.) My hair is a bitch, but when it actually works well I love it.
62.) I am frequently jealous of people.
63.) My deadly sin is Pride.
64.) Slash is a state of mind.
65.) I hate being anything but number 1.
66.) I am extremely competitive.
67.) My legs are ugly.
68.) I hate being hot.
69.) When I was in 7th grade I hated my clothing so I wore the same red coat to and in school every day. People called me ‘Big Red’ because of the coat and my dyed red hair and I was/am fat. I hated myself and that’s the first time I’ve ever told anyone about 7th grade.
70.) In 6th grade my teachers made me cry in front of the whole class.
71.) I love to draw or color or create.
72.) The first time I said a curse word out loud was at 14.
73.) I was a yearbook nerd in high school. That was my favorite class and I would have stayed forever if possible.
74.) I obsess.
75.) I cannot stress how much I stress over my body.
76.) I am constantly concerned with what others think of me.
77.) Fanon Xander Harris is my favorite character of all time.
78.) Every time we’re on the freeway and we pass a carcass of a dead animal, I pray for the animal and ask god to protect it.
79.) The first movie I ever cried to was ‘All Dogs Go to Heaven’
80.) My favorite stuffed animal was a Fivel mouse from the movie ‘An American Tail.’
81.) My first and only dog died when I was 10 and he was three. He had epilepsy.
82.) When I was in third grade I had a guinea pig and I hit it for no reason more than once. One time, the neighbor who gave me the guinea pig caught me. I am deeply ashamed of this and will most likely dwell on it for my entire life.
83.) I sometimes have murderous thoughts that scare me worse than anything. I once had to shut my bedroom door at night for fear of snapping my cats’ neck in my sleep.
84.) I can’t tell my mother I love her in a serious manner. I want to so badly.
85.) My mother is the most wonderful person I know.
86.) I am the laziest most unmotivated person on the planet.
87.) I take too much for granted.
88.) I love affection and touch.
89.) Intimacy is sexier to me than sex.
90.) I want to be loved more than anything on earth.
91.) Bologna sandwiches remind me of staying with my grandmother.
92.) I will never ask my mother about my dad.
93.) My mom and dad were never married, I don’t know him, and yet I still have a pretty good relationship with my grandparents and aunt on that side of the family.
94.) I have a half brother three years younger than me who I’ve never met. I’ve written him dozens of letters.
95.) I am so screwed up because of the situation with my dad.
96.) I hate myself.
97.) I find the world in which I live is the most beautiful thing ever.
98.) I don’t know why I haven’t committed suicide.
99.) The one thing that kept me from going crazy in my high school years and getting committed was that I probably wouldn’t be able to watch Buffy or have my computer.
100.) I hate sidewalk chalk.
101.) Summer is usually too hot for me.
102.) I like autumn best.
103.) I like the word Firecrackers better than the word Fireworks, though I say the last one more.
104.) Soda is not a word. Pop is the fizzy beverage you drink.
105.) I love the Buckeyes, but I never watch football. Excluding of course the OSU/Michigan game.
106.) I will never live in Michigan, they suck.
107.) I always want more money.
108.) The only people who think money doesn’t buy happiness are those that don’t know how to shop.
109.) I love Las Vegas, it is a state of mind, not just a place. I have been 4 times.
110.) Christmas is the best holiday because you get gifts.
111.) I don’t understand people under the age of 60 who don’t like birthdays.
112.) I once pulled the best April Fools day prank, only to have it actually happen to me the very next day.
113.) I love Love.
114.) TV will always be amazing.
115.) I would rather read the best fanfic ever than go to a “good” party.
116.) I always feel like I am perpetually out of the loop.
117.) I want to write a book, but because of #57, I won’t.
118.) I want to show the world what can be, but I won’t because I’m forced to go to college first.
119.) I’m a wuss when it comes to pain.
120.) I just want to be happy.
[Edit: Man I sound super depressed here. All of this is true, but I am not always constantly thinking the depressing thoughts.]