Someday you'll need to stand tall again (emella) wrote,
Someday you'll need to stand tall again

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Oy Vey

I'm so tired. We celebrated my Grandma's 85th birthday at my aunt's house today. It was pretty cool, my aunt has a pool so there was much swimming and enjoyment.

I'm like uber tired now though, sleepy, physically tired, and my skin is like sunkissed.

Other than that I'm meh.

I posted a facebook status on Facebook saying that I was ashamed to be an American because of the oil spill, and I live in Ohio so oh what a joy it was to say things like that in front of my mostly republican family.

I don't know, it's like on one hand I am ashamed and I do feel that way, but on the other hand I don't like to make waves and I'm pretty much a slave to whatever other people think. Actually saying something that I know others will disagree with is really really hard for me.

I posted that and then the SECOND I walked in the door to my aunt's house she was on me like white on rice saying that I shouldn't ever say that. Then I spent 10 minutes crying in the car because I couldn't stand the thought of her not liking me.

Sometimes I just think that no one cares. Okay that's a lie, I always feel like no one cares. I mean I KNOW they do on a lot of levels, but I feel like after a while, a few years or something it wouldn't matter if I was gone. Yeah okay it would matter to my Mom, but other than that... *shrug*

I don't know I just it makes me anxious to think of people not liking me. Like REALLY anxious, I pretty much live my life the way I want, but in the parameters of what others would find normal. That's just the way I am I guess.

Blah. Okay time to rest.
Tags: family, general, holidays, life, me

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