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Supernatural - Castiel fresco

December 2010

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Supernatural - Castiel

Oy Vey

I'm so tired. We celebrated my Grandma's 85th birthday at my aunt's house today. It was pretty cool, my aunt has a pool so there was much swimming and enjoyment.

I'm like uber tired now though, sleepy, physically tired, and my skin is like sunkissed.

Other than that I'm meh.

I posted a facebook status on Facebook saying that I was ashamed to be an American because of the oil spill, and I live in Ohio so oh what a joy it was to say things like that in front of my mostly republican family.

I don't know, it's like on one hand I am ashamed and I do feel that way, but on the other hand I don't like to make waves and I'm pretty much a slave to whatever other people think. Actually saying something that I know others will disagree with is really really hard for me.

I posted that and then the SECOND I walked in the door to my aunt's house she was on me like white on rice saying that I shouldn't ever say that. Then I spent 10 minutes crying in the car because I couldn't stand the thought of her not liking me.

Sometimes I just think that no one cares. Okay that's a lie, I always feel like no one cares. I mean I KNOW they do on a lot of levels, but I feel like after a while, a few years or something it wouldn't matter if I was gone. Yeah okay it would matter to my Mom, but other than that... *shrug*

I don't know I just it makes me anxious to think of people not liking me. Like REALLY anxious, I pretty much live my life the way I want, but in the parameters of what others would find normal. That's just the way I am I guess.

Blah. Okay time to rest.


*HUGS* The main reason why politics doesn't get discussed in my family is because half of us are along the lines Democrats and the others are basically Republicans. Plus, none of us really like arguments/confrontations. It hurts knowing my mom and oldest sister will never see my point of view on some issues, so I tend to avoid them. In short, you have my deepest sympathy and understanding.
Yeah, I am just always so accomodating that for the first time it's like I WANT TO EXPRESS MYSELF!!! ROAR!!

Eh, but yes I know how it goes with a lot of people. My Mom and I are different in the political area, but we're both okay with it. It's only really my outer immediate family that don't know me that well in those ways that are crappy about it.

Thanks for the support babe, I appreciate you responding, the support is fantabulous. :)
You're welcome, sweetie. ^__^ You're one of my oldest friends on here and I've been there, so I couldn't not respond.

When I was in Virginia, visting authoressnebula and her family, it felt so weird to be among people that all agree with each other when it comes to politics. O.o On the other hand, it was really nice to speak my mind and have more than two people agree with me. LOL

Thanks for the lemur! He's so cute!
I'm glad you like the lemur!

I totally get that feeling, that's kinda how I felt when I met my college friends. ;)
Aww, thanks darlin' I know you've had issues with family stuff in the past, so I totally appreciate your support.

Also, how are you doing? I feel like I haven't heard much about you lately. *hugs*
Families can be rough. I have sometimes argued a bit with my parents about things they don't understand. Like gay people! :((( Which makes me so sad, my parents are generally super sweet and kind people but even they can be ignorant about some things. I feel like they understand better than they used to.

ANYWAYS, part of my comment was to ask you, have you ever been diagnosed as having anxiety? You sound a lot like I was right before I finally started taking some medication for it. Everything social stressed me out to the point where I would obsess over conversations.
Haha! Yes, I've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and I'm supposed to take the meds. D: I do take them in the winter because the depression can get bad. Ohio is like really really really gray, and I am a dweller of the sunshine. In the summer I don't feel like I really need them. Usually I don't, I'm really emotional, and right now a bit crazy-fragile in that area because of the job situation, but in general the summer months usually don't make me need them. *shrug*

I do have very bad anxiety, and I totally know what you mean about the dwelling on conversations. I've been known to dwell on conversations/situations years later.

My mom is really cool, it's just me and her, so we're different in terms of our views, but we're both understanding and honest with each other. It's just like my other family members who don't know me as well that there are issues with. I'm like super duper protective of showing my negative emotions to other people so I think a LOT of them don't realize that I am emotional, it was just the situation with my aunt that I think was kind of just too much. She did end up coming and apologizing to me and she understood where I was coming from but really her issue was how I worded what I said. I dunno, it is what it is and I'm okay with it currently, but it's just hard sometimes.

Thanks for your great comments and ideas, I appreciate them and I love to hear other people's input, so thanks! :)

omg that icon! LOVE IT!

Oh holy crap, I reread my comment and was like...baffled at how weird I sound in it. I was TRYING to offer some comfort and just wound up talking about myself!

It's awesome you and your mom have a good relationship. It's great you two can agree to disagree and respect each other's thoughts and beliefs.

I actually was born in Ohio and visit every so often as I have cousins there. It's really gorgeous there! I used to love how the storms would sweep in so fast...

Don't worry too much about your aunt. Honestly I've felt that way before but then I think back to things family and friends have said to me that make me go 'wha??' but it didn't make me stop loving them, you know? Maybe thinking about it like that will help? It would be great if they could see your point of view but even so, I bet they just find themselves disagreeing and won't think much of it a few weeks from now. <3

Oooh see, that makes so much sense. I was exactly the same way, I couldn't sleep some nights because I would just antagonize myself with things I thought I'd done wrong. It's awesome you're taking something for it, I found it really helped me when I was overloading on anxiety...

Oh I am rambling like crazy! Happy to help though with my other comment, I hope it was a little useful. :)

Re: omg that icon! LOVE IT!

Haha Thanks!! I have more icons and junk at cherry_sin although I warn you most of them are before I got my design degree.

Dude, no you totally weren't talking about yourself, I get that feeling and no it's TOTALLY cool. I love learning about other peeps and it helps when people share in their experiences.

Haha Ohio is pretty sometimes, the gray can really get to you, but the cornfields, blue skies, and my god the sunsets are amazing.

I think it's hard for members of my family, like my aunt, to see me as an adult, due to the fact that I am like the youngest of the young, plus the fact that we have disagreeing points of view when it comes to certain things. I totally get what you mean about people saying things and like you go 'what?!' but you still care for them, it's uniquely a familial thing. :D

The medication thing is something I struggle with. I honestly don't think I need medication, I don't think there is anything 'wrong' with me, I honestly think it's just that I have bad coping skills when it comes to emotions, the medication helps, but I feel like there are ways around that, just with living healthier and with better skills. *Shrug* It is what it is though and until I'm better I'll just have to keep on keeping on.

Dude, ramble away, you seem super cool and I give you a thumbs up. :D