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Supernatural - Castiel fresco

December 2010

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Supernatural - BloodRed Sam touch

Eeeek icons and design

I just deleted and purged what feels like about half of my icons but was really only about 20.

Man that made me a lot more anxious than I thought it would.

It's so funny, I look through other people's icons every once in a while and I feel so inferior. I mean I do graphic design for a living and 100x100 pixel icons make me feel like crap. WTF is up with that?! I was looking through one of my lj friends icon section tonight and I was all pouty face. It's so weird because I used to feel this like huge all-encompassing burning need to have better icons, well to create better icons, than the ones I was seeing and after four years I still feel the exact same way. I have no idea what causes my competitive streak when it comes to this, but it's there none the less.

I got bunches of icons made this past week. They're taking me longer than I had expected, I'm getting about 1 made every 45 minutes, so in a three hour block of watching TNG I can usually make about 4 icons. It's kind of sad how long it's taking me, but I think I'll figure it out.

One thing that's been driving me crazy in my rl design career, and that's resurfacing in my icon making, is the idea and aspect of being original. I am obsessed with being an authentic and original person and I pretty much hate anything that fakes being real or unique (i.e. any movies on Lifetime or ABC Family, a lot of NBC reality shows, romance novels etc.). I will mock certain tv programs for hours because they actually make me a mad. Something about diluting real life into a feel-good craptastically perfect world is insulting to me. It degrades the real experiences of being human and living life.

When it comes to design I really struggle because a lot of times I get inspiration and ideas from other people or other designs in the field and I kind of feel like that's cheating. I find it hard to come up with something completely unique and original. It's not that I can't come up with something, it's just that I want whatever I come up with to be good. Maybe that's the problem, maybe I've been to busy trying to be successful in design and I haven't spent enough time just working to create whatever I can, even if it sucks.

One of my teachers in college talked about how great designers are innovative and create unique things that lead the design revolutions and new trends, while good designers are just able to copy what's already out there really well. That has really stuck with me and a lot of the time I'm afraid that I'm just copying what I see or taking something someone else has made and refurbishing it with a new twist. I don't want to be a remodeler I want to be an innovator and I'm not sure I know how.

It kind of terrifies me to think of just creating something weird and misunderstood. In some capacity I think that's really the only way I can ever be original and that just feels so awful to me.

I got into design because I enjoy the process and the result, and if the process of creation is just copy and paste then why bother? I never thought I wanted to be just a production designer, going through the motions, but I feel as if that's all I'm doing anyway.

I don't know... It's just something that's been bugging me the last few years and I'm not sure I'll ever really be able to suss out the problems in my design strategies and fix them. I don't know, I just don't.


When it comes to design I really struggle because a lot of times I get inspiration and ideas from other people or other designs in the field and I kind of feel like that's cheating.

I wouldn't fret too much about this. In every field, there are certain trends that are copied. Also, inspiration through others helps you develop new looks.
I know that there is some truth and originality in drawing inspiration from other people and other works, but I just feel this burning need to create something new, and as messed up as it is, I feel like if it's not my original idea it's like plagiarism or something. I've been trying to overcome this idea but it's like built into my values, and I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to feel differently. :\
I completely understand your desire to be original, but I don't really believe that there *is* such a thing as an original. Every good writer, every good artist is a thief. What you make is built on the shoulders of what came before, you know? I'd be hard pressed to find you a novel or a movie that contained a truly original plotline; it's rearranging the well worn elements in a surprising way that makes something fresh and "original" and I think you can do that for sure, Ems.

I think you need to not be so hard on yourself.
I know what you're saying, and I think in a lot of ways it's easier with writing. Out of the hundreds of thousands of words in the english language there are billions of ways to put them together to create something new. Even with plot themes, sure there are common threads, and the sequence of these is what determines the originality and uniqueness, but there are still hundreds of different types of combinations.

When it comes to art and design I struggle because I feel very limited in a lot of ways. I assume this is mostly my own feelings getting in the way, but for some reason when it comes to art it seems so much harder.

I don't know it's just one of those things. I feel stupid and like an attention-getting whore when I talk about my weaknesses and emotions, but this is something that I'm not sure I'll ever feel different about. It just is what it is and until I can master that ability to be unique I'm not sure I'll ever feel satisfied.

Bah. Thanks for your comments and support though hon, your ideas really get me thinking. :)

Never feel stupid, bb. We're all here for you, cheering you on.

asking buffy mood theme

Hi rua1412 pointed me in your direction. I am looking for a buffy animated theme. By any chance do you still have yours? I have been looking everywhere for one.