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Supernatural - Castiel fresco

December 2010

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So Life is life.

I'm not sure if I mentioned that my previous freelance job was screwing me over and now they're not and they're actually paying me, but all that's happened.

I've started my internship and I'm busy with school, my last quarter. Last. Quarter. It's hard to think that this is it. I will be graduating with a Bachelor's degree in like 2 months.

I'm taking everything one day at a time because if I try to think about long term stuff I get all emo or freaked out.


Lately I've been thinking about writing a novel. I mean I've always wanted to write a novel, but I've never really thought about what it would be about or who or how I would do it. It's all been something like a pipe dream.

Sometimes my life is so scattered to the wind. It's like there are all of these things I want to do, and then a bunch of things I think I can do and well sometimes I don't think it will ever happen. I want my life to be something and mean something and I want to have all of these experiences, and I'm prepared to work towards this, but I'm not sure where to start or how.

It's weird, you know, because I really want to do these things and I don't really feel pressured or like I have to do them because of outside sources, I just want to in my own way. I want bigger and better things. I don't want to live in Ohio the rest of my life living a mediocre existence just getting through. That probably sounds judgemental and silly, but I don't think I would be happy with a 9 to 5 job for the rest of my life. I know some people are happy to have kids and families and work and all that stuff and I think that's great for them. I just don't think I could see myself being like that or doing that. I've only got this life and I feel like I was meant to do something different and I'm going to do it. There are plenty of people who are happy and feel awesome being a part of a family or a business or working to pay for their free time, but I don't feel that way and I don't want that to be my life.

In some ways I feel like I already did that. I lived at home, working, living, and I was completely unhappy. I didn't have any real financial freedom, granted, but I could easily see my life the same as back then except maybe with my own apartment and a couple of cats thrown in.

I want to go to Graduate school and I want to live in another country. I want want to see the world. I want a life that is important to me.

I may never get married. I would like to, but I might not.

I may never have children.

I will achieve my goals. I will.