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Supernatural - Castiel fresco

December 2010

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Supernatural - Dean angsty

Craptastic

I feel like everything is falling apart. No matter how hard I try I always keep coming back to this place of angsty stressed out awfulness.

I don't know what to do.

I feel like every project I've ever done, or every freelance thing or internship that I've worked on is all up in the air and it's looming and I feel like it's going to crash down on top of me all at once and smash me to smithereens.

I have this huge problem where I feel like everything I've ever created sucks balls. I absolutely hate it all and I've been looking at it all for so long that I haven't actually taken the time to look at it in a while.

I went to portfolio review about two weeks ago and this girl stole my portfolio theme and all of her work actually reflected the theme and like 90% of her stuff is fantastic with the other 10% being pretty damned good. I HATE EVERYTHING I'VE EVER MADE BECAUSE NONE OF IT IS THIS GOOD AND I'M NEVER GOING TO GET A JOB AND FUCK!

My life is falling apart.

I didn't get the good internship, because I'm a bad designer. I fuckign get too fucking nervous and come across as an ass and I FUCKIN FUCKING FUCKING HATE ALL OF THIS SHIT
WHY?! WHYRFEFIU;LAHF OWEF8W

GOD I'M SO FUCKING ANGRY AT MYSELF
WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T I GET ANY OF THOSE INTERNSHIPS?! WHY?!

I don't know what to do about any of this shit.

You know what's bad. It's gotten to the point where I have to plan EVERYTHING because if I don't then nothing will get done because there's TOO FUCKING MUCH and then I can't even plan everything because no matter how many lists I make I always forget something and I AM FUCKING SICK OF USING THE WORD FEEL. BECAUSE I CANT KEEP FROM FUCKING FEELING ANYTHING

FUCK THE SNOW
FUCK THAT ITS COLD I'M SO ANGRY I COULD FUCKING SCREAM


i was one of the best and now i dont know whats going on anymore























You know, all I ever wanted was to be the best and to be happy. I don't know what's going on anymore. I am one of the mediocre designers. One of the mediocre ones mediocre

I feel like there's this big thing inside me that is like so angry and sad and fucking PISSED off and I want to rip it out, just rip it out of me.

God what the fuck is wrong with me.

Comments

Yep, that happens. I'm going through the same thing at work. I'm falling further and further behind. Working out seems to help, as does cleaning. Sort of a balance of everything.
*hugs*

Take a deep breath, sweetie.

*hugs some more*