Someday you'll need to stand tall again (emella) wrote,
Someday you'll need to stand tall again
emella

Craptastic

I feel like everything is falling apart. No matter how hard I try I always keep coming back to this place of angsty stressed out awfulness.

I don't know what to do.

I feel like every project I've ever done, or every freelance thing or internship that I've worked on is all up in the air and it's looming and I feel like it's going to crash down on top of me all at once and smash me to smithereens.

I have this huge problem where I feel like everything I've ever created sucks balls. I absolutely hate it all and I've been looking at it all for so long that I haven't actually taken the time to look at it in a while.

I went to portfolio review about two weeks ago and this girl stole my portfolio theme and all of her work actually reflected the theme and like 90% of her stuff is fantastic with the other 10% being pretty damned good. I HATE EVERYTHING I'VE EVER MADE BECAUSE NONE OF IT IS THIS GOOD AND I'M NEVER GOING TO GET A JOB AND FUCK!

My life is falling apart.

I didn't get the good internship, because I'm a bad designer. I fuckign get too fucking nervous and come across as an ass and I FUCKIN FUCKING FUCKING HATE ALL OF THIS SHIT
WHY?! WHYRFEFIU;LAHF OWEF8W

GOD I'M SO FUCKING ANGRY AT MYSELF
WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T I GET ANY OF THOSE INTERNSHIPS?! WHY?!

I don't know what to do about any of this shit.

You know what's bad. It's gotten to the point where I have to plan EVERYTHING because if I don't then nothing will get done because there's TOO FUCKING MUCH and then I can't even plan everything because no matter how many lists I make I always forget something and I AM FUCKING SICK OF USING THE WORD FEEL. BECAUSE I CANT KEEP FROM FUCKING FEELING ANYTHING

FUCK THE SNOW
FUCK THAT ITS COLD I'M SO ANGRY I COULD FUCKING SCREAM


i was one of the best and now i dont know whats going on anymore























You know, all I ever wanted was to be the best and to be happy. I don't know what's going on anymore. I am one of the mediocre designers. One of the mediocre ones mediocre

I feel like there's this big thing inside me that is like so angry and sad and fucking PISSED off and I want to rip it out, just rip it out of me.

God what the fuck is wrong with me.
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