Someday you'll need to stand tall again (emella) wrote,
Someday you'll need to stand tall again
emella

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The Interwebz

So I feel like I rediscovered the internet today. I've been in this like tightly contained little box of school and work and today I pretty much said 'fuck it' and devoted myself to doing nothing. I spent all day just reading and surfing the web and watching con vids on youtube. I feel like I forgot how awesome it was to just do nothing. Or like I feel as if I rediscovered what it was like to feel like I had free time. I kinda can't wait till my life has some stability so that I can actually have free time like in the old days.

There are some times when I actually forget that there are things to do besides work. This past quarter, the last few weeks or so I would work on stuff till 11 or 12 at night and then I would be too wired or it would be too early to go to bed and I would be bored so I would just go back to work because I had somehow forgotten that there were things called hobbies. It's like I get to this point where I'm sort of living off of being productive. I sometimes forget that there is even the option of having fun or having free time or not working. I take way too much stuff on at any given time, because I feel like it's normal. So today when I had some time to just sit around and relax I actually took advantage of it, and miraculously I didn't feel guilty about it. I mean there was a point last quarter when I felt guilty for sleeping! That's just kind of sad.

I sort of wonder, how is it that before I started college I did nothing every day. Spending all day today doing nothing made me understand how I did it, but before today I had forgotten what it was like to just sit around and be aimless. I remember what it was like to just get up day after day and sit around on the internet reading or watching tv or creating icons, and I enjoyed it so much at the time, but obviously I wanted more and so I came to school. Recently I forgot what that was like, to just do whatever I wanted. Usually I will surf the web or read on lj, but in the back of my mind I always feel guilty for doing so because I think I should be doing something productive. Today I was miraculously forget about feeling guilty and just relax and boy did I need it. I miss those aimless days, but not all the time. I think, well I think things will be better when my schedule has evened out and I can have regularly scheduled guilt-free down time. Hopefully it is only a short ways off.

For now I'm going back to school for my last quarter and well, three more months and then all bets are off. I guess what I'm saying, is that today was good, the calm before the storm.
Tags: college, general, internet, life, lj, me, school, work
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