Someday you'll need to stand tall again (emella) wrote,
Someday you'll need to stand tall again

SPN Fic: Sinners and Saints (7/?) (S/D)

Title: Sinners and Saints
Author: emella
Rating: R
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Warnings: Undeathfic. And ya know, the whole gay incest thing.
Disclaimer: I don't own 'em.
Spoilers: Dead Man's Blood. Eventual General AHBL/Season 3.
Summary: Vampires mate for life. "Sam is inside this hallow church..."

Previous Parts here.

A month has gone by since the incident with the girl and Dean finds himself on the steps of a church. It’s one of those large old cathedrals, musty and smelling like dust. There are traces of a million different scents all over the church. Dean’s not even inside and he can smell it.

He followed Sam here. Not trailing him, but tracking him. Sam will leave their room every few nights and go somewhere before Dean wakes. He’s not feeding; Dean knows this because when he returns Sam never smells of blood and they have an unwritten rule that they always eat together.

Sam is inside this hallow church. Dean doesn’t need to go inside to see why Sam is here. Sam is praying. Dean never really understood the appeal before they were turned and he really doesn’t understand the appeal now. They aren’t moral creatures. They are instinct, flesh, and bone. They’re animals with human thoughts. They don’t have a religion.

Sam has always been an independent creature, he has his own beliefs and ideals, he’s different from Dean in ways Dean will never understand. Dean doesn’t understand this part of Sam, why he feels the need to bow his head to an imaginary force, but he’ll wait here patiently, for as long as Sam needs.


When Sam leaves the church he meets Dean at the bottom of the steps. They walk toward the end of the street, to where a diner glows in the dim streetlights. They don’t speak and if Dean was suspecting Sam to be surprised by his presence, he doesn’t say anything.

They’re seated in a booth, drinking coffee twenty minutes later when Dean finally asks.

“Why?” He’s looking at Sam with genuine curiosity.

Sam takes a drink of his coffee, the bitter not-right taste, “Why not?”

“You can’t really tell me you believe in God anymore, can you?” Dean’s eyes shift to the waitress refilling salt containers a few paces away.

Sam shrugs, “Just because we’re different doesn’t mean God doesn’t exist. We were changed into something different, just because we change doesn’t mean the world does. Crosses and holy water don’t burn us, but that doesn’t mean that God still isn’t up there. We may be different, but we still do things a certain way based on who we are. I prayed and I believed in God before, why should I stop now?”

Dean took a moment to process this. Their waitress refilled their coffee and wandered away again before he responded. “But we don’t have to believe in anything. We’re going to live forever. Or we’re going to hell. There’s no reason to pray anymore, if he is even up there he’s not going to be saving our souls anytime soon.”

Sam stirred his coffee thoughtfully for a moment.

“Yes, you’re probably right, but that doesn’t mean God can’t help us in other ways. We may not be going to heaven, but God can still help us ensure that more people aren’t sent there earlier than scheduled.”

“So you’re saying that you do it for the hunting?” Dean raised an eyebrow.

Sam sighed, “No Dean, not just for the hunting. It’s.. It’s who I am, it’s what I believe. I’m not going to change my beliefs because I developed a different metabolism.”

Dean shook his head, “It’s more than that and you know it, we’re not-“

“Look,” Sam cut him off, “I know being a vampire is more than just an eating thing, but praying... it’s just something that I do, okay? We can talk about this until the end of time but I’m not going to change or stop right now. Just drop it okay?”

Dean stared at him for a moment, “Yeah alright Sammy, whatever you say.”
Tags: fic, sinners & saints, slash fic, supernatural

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