June 1st, 2009

Other - Pencil

Religion and my life

So I'm very unsettled. I've been feeling very good these last few days about getting work done and getting through portfolio and preparing myself and getting my work together. I've been extremely busy which is why I haven't been on here.

Not much has really changed in my life. I'm closer to graduation than ever.

My Mom said she was proud of me and that's good.

Today I was at school working on a project, but I began talking with a classmate of mine and we got into a long discussion about God and the bible. He explained what he believes and I think it's interesting, but I'm scared for some reason.

I've been thinking about finding a church lately and he was explaining his and what he believes. So it got me thinking and I'm very confused.

I feel very confused and unfocused, like I can't really do anything except thing about this. I feel like in some way my world was shaken. I feel like my beliefs were mine and they were true and nothing could shake them, but now after about a two hour conversation I'm questioning things.

The classmate, Josh, kept talking about being saved, and not in an overly pressured way, but in a way where he was talking about his experiences. It left me feeling very uneasy in relation to myself.

I'm having a hard time understanding and seperating what I believe with what he believes and I'm extremely unsettled. Because I don't know if my beliefs coincide with his and yet what he believes isn't so different.

He said that I should come to church some time or visit his bible group and I'm very unsettled because it's like I'm wondering if I'm thinking about all of this because of the substance or because a friend/classmate whom I admire/respect said it. I feel like I'm being weirdly peer pressured, but not in a way that is normal or even really there. Like I kinda feel like I'm making this out to be more than it is.

I just feel very shaken and uncertain.

Thinking about this whole situation has made me want to cry and screwed with my mind.

I feel odd...