Someday you'll need to stand tall again (emella) wrote,
Someday you'll need to stand tall again

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Okay, so one of my friends decided to get mad at me, as you all know. But then the weirdness happened. She decided to tell everyone but me why she's mad at me and then proceeded to ignore me all day in class yesterday. (We have class together all day Tuesdays and Fridays.) So I could barely focus in my first class and the second class I had to leave early because I was this close to just crying my eyes out.

So anyway, during my second class I ran downstairs and then came back up. Then I turned the corner and she was in the hall talking with a friend of mine/ours. So I walk past them and I hear, "So I had cheerios this morning." It sounds like something that she would say when she wants to change subjects. So I'm fairly certain she's told her roomate, a mutual friend, one of her friends, and another mutual friend about why she's mad at me and she STILL hasn't told me. So I was sitting in class and I was so upset and you know that whole perfectionism thing? Well one of those things is that I value my worth on how much people accept me/like me. So when she starts telling everyone and their brother I start feeling like a complete and utter failure.

So I decide that I have to leave class early and I end up trying not to cry the whole way home. So I come home and basically have a breakdown. I was lying there and sobbing and felt like I had no one I could ever talk to, because every time I thought about talking to one of my friends (and I couldn't get ahold of my mom) I felt like I would be bothering them and that by having problems and things to complain about I was being melodramatic and annoying. So finally I'm able to go over to my friend Ash's room and then I start crying again and so she helps me, gets me to calm down and take a hot shower (which actually helped).

Then later last night, the friend I am fighting with came over to my apartment and ignored me again... whatever.

So yesterday was like the worst day ever and so today she text's me on my Cell asking if she can come up to our apartment. So I'm like 'okay.' and then she comes up and says hi to us all, including me and acts sort of like nothing happened. So I am sorta freaked out by this, I'm not gonna just ignore everything that's happened. I went through a lot of pain because she decided to wake up and hate me for no reason.

So a little later I asked her about a class we both have, but aren't in together and she answered me. I can be civil, but I'm not sure I'll ever be good friends with her again. If we ever do get to that level I'm not sure I can trust her again. Sometimes I wonder if she's doing this all just to fuck with me.

I don't know. I just don't know.
Tags: college, general, me

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