Someday you'll need to stand tall again (emella) wrote,
Someday you'll need to stand tall again
emella

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Sometimes I hate the fact that I'm me.

And no, I'm not being emo, if I was being emo I would be complaining about this out loud. I fucking hate the fact that every time I think I've fixed some/most of my flaws I find new ones.

Yes I know you can't be perfect, but I wish I could just get to the point where I don't piss people off all the time.

I was told I always need to be right, and I never realized how much I do. What sucks is like I look around me at how good of friends people are with each other and I feel like Karen the douche bag because I don't make people laugh or have such a tight friendship with people. People always take what I say more seriously than I think and I fucking hate that. It annoys me to no end that I can't be like other people. I've never been directly told that I'm a douche bag or a bitch or whatever, but sometimes I think if someone told me what they were actually thinking it would make things better.

WHY CANT I BE BETTER!?! I can't be perfect and I HATE that. I dont want to piss people off and be the friend that nobody likes. God put me on this Earth once and I dont want to go through life with no friends because I have suck-ass social skills.

I'm not the nicest person, I'm not funny or charasmatic, I'm not super good with advice-except when it comes to relationships apparently, and I just am not that great.

I'm fucking sick and tired of worrying about what people think of me. I want to stop but I can't. I care what certain people think of me, and I just want to please them. I've tried so hard to be a good person and I've tried so hard to make friends and keep them. I'm at the point now where I wonder if they can tell if I'm worrying about it so much. I just want to be better.

In the process of this post, I stopped and went to go look up what perfectionism is, because my mom told me to look it up once.

I just want to stop worrying about being perfect, but that inner voice is always shouting that I have to say the right things and act the right way.

I'm fucking sick and tired of this. I wish things were easier.

Goddammit.
Tags: college, general, me
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