?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Supernatural - Castiel fresco

December 2010

S M T W T F S
   1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031 
Powered by LiveJournal.com
Supernatural - Castiel fresco

Sometimes I hate the fact that I'm me.

And no, I'm not being emo, if I was being emo I would be complaining about this out loud. I fucking hate the fact that every time I think I've fixed some/most of my flaws I find new ones.

Yes I know you can't be perfect, but I wish I could just get to the point where I don't piss people off all the time.

I was told I always need to be right, and I never realized how much I do. What sucks is like I look around me at how good of friends people are with each other and I feel like Karen the douche bag because I don't make people laugh or have such a tight friendship with people. People always take what I say more seriously than I think and I fucking hate that. It annoys me to no end that I can't be like other people. I've never been directly told that I'm a douche bag or a bitch or whatever, but sometimes I think if someone told me what they were actually thinking it would make things better.

WHY CANT I BE BETTER!?! I can't be perfect and I HATE that. I dont want to piss people off and be the friend that nobody likes. God put me on this Earth once and I dont want to go through life with no friends because I have suck-ass social skills.

I'm not the nicest person, I'm not funny or charasmatic, I'm not super good with advice-except when it comes to relationships apparently, and I just am not that great.

I'm fucking sick and tired of worrying about what people think of me. I want to stop but I can't. I care what certain people think of me, and I just want to please them. I've tried so hard to be a good person and I've tried so hard to make friends and keep them. I'm at the point now where I wonder if they can tell if I'm worrying about it so much. I just want to be better.

In the process of this post, I stopped and went to go look up what perfectionism is, because my mom told me to look it up once.

I just want to stop worrying about being perfect, but that inner voice is always shouting that I have to say the right things and act the right way.

I'm fucking sick and tired of this. I wish things were easier.

Goddammit.

Comments

I just want to stop worrying about being perfect, but that inner voice is always shouting that I have to say the right things and act the right way.

I'm fucking sick and tired of this. I wish things were easier.


If you ever figure it out, let me know, I'd like to know the secret, too. *hugs*
{{{{HUGS}}} Believe it or not ... I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. I honestly can't offer any "good advice" other than think about what is "right" for you and stick with it ... try to satisfy your own sense of what is right before worrying what is "right" for others. This attitude has eased the pressure for me a bit but it's still a struggle. Try and focus on one aspect of yourself that you want to modify and work on THAT untill you're where you want to be. Working on more that one thing at a time may frustrate you more than anything else.

Good Luck and {{{{HUGS}}}} again.
I really wish I knew something to make it better.