Someday you'll need to stand tall again (emella) wrote,
Someday you'll need to stand tall again

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Ok, so a what's been up lately post...

I need to write fic and I've just not been feeling it. I really need to finish Whisper pt 4 and edit some more Xandrew!Verse. Bleh.

So you know the QAF dvd's? Well I've got 29 discs for the first four seasons, and I have to go through each and every one of them(each ep too), because while I was watching them I was stupid enough to not make note of the huge skips and jumps and chapter cut-offs. Ok, so basically, this is what happened. Two of the discs for S2 wouldn't play at all, and there were several skips and jumps throughtout all the seasons, there were even a couple episodes in which the last chapter was cut off. So I emailed the seller of said discs and they said they would replace them. So now I get to go through and make sure I know which discs to send back. It sounds like fun, getting to watch all of the eps, but really it's just exhausting.

Bleh. At least they are offering to replace them though...

So I've got an eye appointment FINALLY for next Friday. I'm pretty sure I'll need glasses. You know when you look at a photo? and you see noise? Well that's what I see. Like I get weird feedback with my crappy eyesight. It's hard to explain, but whatever.

Also, I've been feeling weird when it comes to fandom. I feel like sort of schitzo because I'm ODing on QAF one minute and searching for Supernatural fic the next... It's somewhat exausting.

I'm not really sure I want to go into RL. Because I really don't want sympathy or whatever... I'm just dealing with crappy stuff and I've been feeling like usual: crappy. It's just angst and I feel like I'm acting like this to get attention or something. I dunno. I'm just in this really awkward phase in my mind in which I feel like everything I'm thinking is wrong/bad. Like I feel guilty about thinking there's something wrong with me. Ever since the panic attack I've been in this weird guilty state of mind. Every time I get into actual thoughts of what's wrong or what I need to figure out or do I immidately go into panic!thought mode. Not like a panic attack but this weird frame of mind where I immidately need to distnace myself from my depressing thoughts and escape. The guilt also sort of stems from this weird part of my brain that wants to be like this. I feel sick and disgusted and guilty for thinking all this, but I think somewhere inside there is some part of me that wants to be like this.

Now I feel like crap for talking about all this and it's all just badness.

Let's just say it's crappy and I feel like crap and I'm this weird person and talking about it is only bringing me down.

In other news I saw Jarhead today. It was an interesting movie and It was very cinematically beautiful. Very lonely but interesting all the same.

I also saw the movie Wimbledone, which was sort of crappy and odd at the same time.

Oh, I came in second over on house_challenge. For the Last Icon Maker Standing position. I'm thankful I got that far, but I still have that seed of 'something wrong is going on here' because the other person's icons weren't that hot. Not that mine were all that, but I dunno, I just wouldn't be surprised if that person got all their friends to vote for them. I mean they won EVERY single people's choice.


Oh, and sorry I've been crappy about replying in journals lately.

I guess that's about it for now...

Tags: fandom, general, movies, qaf

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