Someday you'll need to stand tall again (emella) wrote,
Someday you'll need to stand tall again

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Fic: Halfway (Firefly/Serenity Simon/Jayne)

Hey there, here is my first ever Firefly/Serenity fic. It's Simon/Jayne, so hopefully it will be liked. :)

Title: Halfway
Rating: NC-17
Author: emella
E-mail: kevy_s__girl [AT]
Pairing: Simon/Jayne
Sumary: Song fic, Simon & Jayne post Serenity.
Warnings: Movie spoilers.
Disclaimer: I own nothing except part of the plot.
Notes: Thank you to my wonderful beta lunabee34, and to jjjean65 for reading it. This fic is a bit odd, I wrote it a little differently, so be aware of that, and know that hopefully everything should fit in the end. Also, the title was giving me trouble, but I named it Halfway more because of the way I wrote it than anything else.

The song is 'Speed of Sound' by Coldplay, and here is a copy of the song if you would like it.


how long before I get in
before it starts, before I begin
how long before you decide
before I know what it feels like
where to?
Where do I go?
if you've never tried then you'll never know
how long do I have to climb
up on the side of this mountain of mine

Simon was smart; at age 15 he’d mastered advanced calculus and six languages (three of them dead centuries earlier), and he was on his way to University. After three years at one of the ‘verse’s top undergrad programs, Simon was ready for Medacad. At age 18, he entered Medical school and spent nearly 6 years devoting his life to healing the sick. Simon Tam could have been one of the best career doctors in the ‘verse. Brilliant some would’ve called him.

It came easy to him, healing. Simon was very intelligent; his thoughts were logical and ordered. He was a good doctor because things made sense. Simon understood why the body healed itself and why things happened the way they did. He was in control of this knowledge, and it helped him to understand the world around him. The body worked on a cause and effect sort of system. If someone got a bad cut and it wasn’t treated, it got infected; that was just how things worked.

Simon knew that taking River, changing something in the Alliance’s plans would alter things. He knew from the moment his father bailed him out of jail that things would always be different. Life, like medicine, tended to work on a cause and effect system, so it made sense to him when he came to be a member of Malcolm Reynolds’ crew.

When things first started out, Simon understood why Mal and his crew didn’t get along with him much. They didn’t really like him simply because they didn’t understand him. He was different, an outsider among them, not a thief or a roughneck. Simon had the most quarrel with Jayne; they were almost polar opposites, two hazardous chemicals thrown together into the same beaker. For eight months Simon and Jayne never got along; instead they sniped, baited, and mocked each other.

After Wash & Shepard Book’s deaths, though, things changed. After the reavers and Miranda and everything that had happened on Haven, the crew had been so exhausted from the whole ordeal and emotionally stretched, it was easier if Simon and Jayne just didn’t fight. While the whole crew spent time patching up the ship and grieving, a sort of truce formed between Jayne and Simon. Jayne didn’t bait Simon and Simon didn’t mock Jayne.

Finally one day the ship was repaired, and they were all ready to go. Simon had expected the truce to disintegrate once they were airborne, but surprisingly it stuck. Simon had made a point to stay out of Jayne’s way, and he knew that Jayne was most likely doing the same. Simon understood that things were different, and they both knew that it was just easier to ignore one another.

Look up, I look up at night
Planets are moving at the speed of light,
Climb up, up in the trees
Every chance that you get is a chance you seize

Simon arched beneath Jayne, aligning their bodies at the best possible angle. He groaned into Jayne’s mouth, and his nails dug into Jayne’s back. The arm of the couch jabbed painfully into Simon’s shoulder blade, and he tried to sit up, but Jayne wouldn’t let him. It was hurried and clumsy, what they were doing, like drunken teenagers unable to control their hormones.

Jayne’s lips pressed firmly to his, and their tongues fought for dominance. Jayne suddenly pushed his hand beneath Simon’s sweater only to encounter another shirt that was tucked in. He growled into Simon’s lips and pulled at the offending garment. Before either could blink, Jayne had a hand underneath both shirts and against Simon’s chest. His fingers found a nipple and he tugged it gently.

Simon gasped, and his mouth broke contact with Jayne’s. Jayne took the opportunity to move his mouth to Simon’s neck, sucking on a spot along his jaw. Simon shuddered in response. The arm of the couch dug into him again, and once more Simon tried to sit up. Jayne tried to restrain him, however, and before they could blink, they both ended up on the floor.

Both men cried out in pain as they landed on top of each other, Jayne nearly smashing Simon. Jayne sat up, untangling himself before they both paused to catch their breaths. After a moment of heavy breathing, and lustful gazing, they couldn’t help being drawn back together. Lips met and eyes closed as Jayne brought a hand up to Simon’s jaw, grappling to pull him closer. Simon leaned into the touch, and they both groaned into each other’s mouth.

After a minute Simon broke the kiss, though. “Wait. Wait.” He didn’t get very far before Jayne blinked, annoyed, and dove back in to kiss him. They both were caught up again, but Simon was eventually able to break away long enough to mutter, “Wait-My room.”

How long am I gonna stand
With my head stuck under the sand
I'll start before I can stop or
Before I see things the right way up

One day things changed. Simon wasn’t sure how, but suddenly he and Jayne had grown past their truce and into something ironically like friendship. It was a strange relationship. Jayne tended to clean his guns at the dinner table, and most times he did it while Simon was also in the room. River tended to spend a lot of time on the bridge now, flying or co-piloting, leaving Simon with a lot of free time.

It wasn’t odd, come a boring night stuck on the ship, that Simon and Jayne could be found playing a game of cards together or trading stories. Simon talked about the nasty things he’d seen as a doctor, and Jayne talked about funny jobs he’d pulled. Simon wasn’t squeamish, you couldn’t be as a doctor, and Jayne actually liked the gory bits in Simon’s stories.

Simon even started to work out with Jayne’s help; they spotted one another, though Jayne didn’t really require a spotter. Once, Simon had been bored while planetside and had run into Jayne in a bar at the edge of town. They got to drinkin’ together, and soon they were even drinking buddies.

One night on some desolate moon named Shilah, Simon and Jayne had gone out for a few beers. However, on their way home it came as a shock to Simon when Jayne kissed him. They were on their way back to the ship, and they hadn’t even had enough alcohol to be tipsy. Despite not being drunk, Simon still began to wonder what the hell was going on.

Jayne had just grinned and raised an eyebrow. “You wanna?”

Simon could only stare at him in shock.

Jayne frowned after a moment. “What? I know you ain’t been sexed any lately.” Jayne paused before leaning in, almost leering. “Don’t even tell me you ain’t thought about it.”

But Simon hadn’t thought about it. Where he had seen only friendship, Jayne obviously saw something more. “I - I have to go now,” Simon managed to say, and then he turned back to the ship and moved mechanically towards his room.

Jayne didn’t follow him.

All that noise and all that sound
All those places I got found
And birds go flying at the speed of sound
To show you how it all began
Birds came flying from the underground
If you could see it then you'd understand

Simon unzipped Jayne’s pants and began to shove them down toward the other man’s feet. He moved in a frenzy, ripping off clothes and trying to maintain contact. They both moved as fast as possible to feel skin against skin. Simon’s bed wasn’t wide, but it was wide enough for what they wanted.

Jayne cursed when he hit a snag with some of the buttons on Simon’s shirt; after a moment he just growled and tugged a bit harder, resulting in buttons flying across the room.

“You’re such a barbarian,” Simon panted, pulling Jayne closer.

Jayne grinned. “You know it.” He lunged forward, and their lips met again.

Finally when all their clothes were gone, they began scrabbling and pawing at each other like wild animals. Simon gasped as Jayne’s mouth moved to his neck, biting and sucking in places he didn’t know could feel so good. They rubbed against each other, grinding and moving without hesitation. There was no need for slow romantic reassurances here; it was all just about pleasure.

Jayne’s head dipped past Simon’s collar bone and onto his chest. His lips found Simon’s nipple, and he began to suck and bite and tease Simon in the most frustrating ways.

Simon gripped Jayne’s shoulders and lifted his hips, searching out contact and trying to rub up against the larger man. His cock met Jayne’s, and he hissed in pleasure. His skin was boiling, and he felt more alive than he had in months.

Jayne’s head moved farther south, trailing his tongue in a hot path, caressing Simon’s perfect skin. Simon threw his head back, eyes shut, while Jayne grasped his hips and stopped him from moving. Jayne started to suck along Simon’s abs, getting closer and closer to his cock, but not yet reaching it. He was slowly driving Simon mad, teasing him and torturing him into voicing his frustration.

When Jayne’s mouth found his cock, Simon knew that this was more than sex. This was going to be better than any sex he’d had in his whole life. All the times with girlfriends and that one boyfriend were nothing like this; this was heat, raw pure heat.

Jayne moved along Simon’s cock, nibbling and biting, causing him to make noises he couldn’t ever remember making before. Jayne’s hands were digging into his hip bones as Simon tried to arch up under the other man’s tongue. How the di yu did Jayne get so good at this? When Jayne’s mouth descended on him, Simon cried out.

Jayne’s mouth moved on him, hot and wet and just so gorramn good that he was forcing Simon closer and closer to the edge. With each little nibble or hum, he pushed things farther. Finally when Simon could take no more Jayne deep-throated him and made a swallowing movement with his throat that sent Simon off the deep end.

His orgasm rocketed him back to the ship in a slow-motion drop. His hips were strained against Jayne’s hands, and he knew he would have bruises. His hands were clenched around what, he didn’t know, or care. He was having the best orgasm of his entire existence.

Ideas that you'll never find
All the inventors could never design
The buildings that you put up
Japan and China all lit up
The sign that I couldn't read
or a light, that I couldn't see
Some things you have to believe
While others are puzzles, puzzling me

Simon sat in his bunk, wondering why in the world he hadn’t seen this coming. He generally never thought that anything like this would ever happen. Jayne was such a Neanderthal; he was big and ugly and gruff. Simon was conflicted in the fact that while Jayne made an alright friend, he was no where near the right idea for a potential mate.

Simon wasn’t stupid; he knew Jayne wasn’t looking for a long term relationship, but on a ship this small, things were bound to get awkward. Just up and having sex wasn’t a solution to things. Simon wasn’t even sure he was attracted to Jayne. Sure, it’d been a while since he and Kaylee had done it, but he wasn’t an animal; he didn’t need to get off all the time. And sure, maybe in a certain light Jayne could be considered attractive, but just because Simon found him attractive didn’t mean he found him attractive.

What Simon couldn’t understand in all this was how he hadn’t noticed anything. He never thought Jayne was sly, but maybe he wasn’t, maybe he was just bi-xing. Still, Simon should have noticed Jayne’s attraction to him. That sounded pompous, but it was true. A person didn’t just decide to have sex with someone that they always thought of in the platonic sense. There had to have been something Simon had missed. Everything would be different now. Simon just knew it.

After a few days, and awkward moments between them, Simon had to admit that before all this maybe things were a little …off in their friendship. They spent time together, sure, but that didn’t necessarily mean they wanted to jump each other …right?

Simon was so confused, and it wasn’t even that Jayne was a man; Simon had had a pseudo-boyfriend in Medacad, that’s what school is for. Jayne was just everything Simon knew he didn’t want. He’d grown up knowing who he was going to be; he knew what his life would be like. He was taught to be a polite, well adjusted member of society who would marry a rich heiress and have a wonderful career with a loving family. Simon had always known he would be a doctor; he knew he would be a certain way because that was just the way of things.

For once in his life, though, Simon didn’t understand why this all was happening. Jayne shouldn’t even be his friend; he was a complete jerk who cared about nothing but himself. He shouldn’t even be an acquaintance. He was a complete ruffian. Simon could barely acknowledge their friendship, let alone think of Jayne as someone he found attractive. Jayne was just... not acceptable! He couldn’t be with Jayne. He just couldn’t.

…Could he?

All that noise and all that sound
All those places I got found
And birds go flying at the speed of sound
To show you how it all began
Birds came flying from the underground
If you could see it then you'd understand
Oh, when you see it then you'll understand

Simon gasped as Jayne’s fingers moved inside him. Jayne twisted and prodded and started to move his fingers in and out, making Simon, who was flushed and anxious, hotter than anything Jayne had ever seen.

Simon felt on fire, like he had a fever burning beneath his skin. He couldn’t soak in all the sensations that were making him nearly vibrate in appreciation. Jayne’s fingers brushed his prostate, and Simon’s head went back. Jayne grinned in response and Simon felt Jayne’s lips on his hip, sucking and licking and driving him mad.

At last Jayne couldn’t take anymore; Simon was too damn sexy for him to not actually sex. He removed his fingers and pulled Simon’s legs up, lining his cock up just right, and making sure they had enough slick.

Simon’s hands dug into Jayne’s shoulders, and his legs curled against Jayne’s sides as Jayne sunk into him. It was painful, but a good pain, something to balance out the pleasure sensory overload Simon was experiencing.

After a few moments of getting used to things, Jayne began to move. Simon was in complete awe at how gorramn good he felt. He’d had sex before, but this had to be like some new form of sex that no one knew about. Other people could never ever have had sex this good; there would be no point in doing anything else if sex was always this good.

Simon was distantly aware that he was making sounds no innocent person should hear, but he didn’t care. He arched and strained beneath Jayne, trying to increase their feelings of pleasure in any way possible. His skin was blazing, everything hazy and blurry, pleasure ascended to an all new level for him, and he cried out as Jayne pushed him closer and closer to the breaking point.

Jayne’s lips found his, and they began to kiss aggressively. Lips, tongues, teeth and bodies intertwined as they became more and more aware of each other. Simon’s hands were clenched on Jayne’s biceps while Jayne’s lips made more sense in that moment than any words he had ever uttered. They moved together, becoming more alive than either of them had felt before.

They broke the kiss as Jayne’s hand found Simon’s cock. Jayne began to suck on Simon’s shoulder, and he slowly began to pump, increasing Simon’s pleasure tenfold. As they got closer to orgasm, Simon found himself biting his lip, eyes closed, fidgeting, trying to take in every sensation.

When Simon’s orgasm hit, white hot noise shot up his spine as his body burned beneath him. His skin felt scorched and musical, humming with electric heat and power as he came for the second time. As he wound his way back down toward his body, he felt Jayne tense. Jayne bit his shoulder, and his hands clenched in the sheets on either side of Simon. After a few moments, Jayne collapsed on him and they were both just breathing hard, their breath the loudest thing in the room.

All those signs I knew what they mean't,
somethings you can invent
Some get made and some get sent ooh

Things were off between Simon and Jayne for a long time after that night on Shilah. They ignored each other and avoided each other. Jayne wasn’t overly fond of the fact that he’d made a fool of himself, and Simon, well, Simon thought he was going crazy.

Where Simon had only seen a platonic relationship, there had to have been something, even something small to make Jayne bring up the notion of sex between them. It was driving him crazy, He couldn’t help but wonder if Jayne ever thought about him when he did certain things. For instance, one day after pulling a job, he was sewing stitches into Jayne’s forehead, mending a cut. He’d had to lean over Jayne, bending over him to see his work. That had been an awkward day, and Simon often times tried not to think about the sexual tension that had lingered between them as thick as stew.

Finally Simon couldn’t take it anymore, and he decided that the only way to resolve things was to confront Jayne. He found him in the lounge, perched on the sofa cleaning one of his guns.

“…Hello.” Simon sat in the chair next to him.

“Yep.” Jayne nodded, acknowledging him, while not removing his eyes from his work.

“I though you said you didn’t kiss on the mouth,” Simon said.

Jayne’s hand stopped for a beat before he responded without looking up, “I don’t. Not whores or women off the street anyway.”

“Look, I… things have been weird between us since that night on Shilah, and well I need to know what this is.” Simon said.

“Don’t know what you mean.” Jayne rubbed the cloth, or the polish or whatever he was rubbing into the gun, a bit harder.

Simon sighed. “It’s just-I’m not really sure what you want from me. I don’t really think that anything could really happen between us, I’m not sure we would be …right… for each other.” Simon frowned hesitantly, trying not to make this anymore difficult.

“Ok look gorramn it.” Jayne tossed the gun and the cloth onto a nearby side table and turned to Simon. “It was a stupid thing I did that night, and I ain’t gonna say no more about it. I didn’t want no damn relationship out of it or nothing. I just figured you hadn’t had much a anythin’ lately, and I wanted some. Nothin’ more’n that. No need gettin’ yer panties in a twist. It was just supposed to be fun.” With that he turned toward the side table to retrieve his things.

“Oh.” Simon frowned. He stayed quiet for a few minutes as Jayne went back to polishing his gun.

“So,” Simon started after a minute or two, “What… what would have happened if we had … you know… h-had-done it?” Simon hated himself immediately after he asked it. What little pride he still had prevented him from acting like a complete fool and actually cringing.

Jayne let out a sharp breath and sat his gun and cloth back on the table. “Ok,” he said, turning to Simon slowly. ”Now look, you made it quite clear you wasn’t interested back on that gorramn moon, but if you got somethin’ you want to do or somethin’ you want to know, just ask me. Don’t act like such a mao.”

Simon could feel himself blushing under Jayne’s gaze. He wanted to die at the thought of this man seeing him embarrassed. He hated feeling like this. He was so conflicted and confused. He usually understood things, but this whole situation was getting more confusing by the minute. Jayne was looking at him as if he’d grown a third head.

Suddenly Jayne’s whole face brightened, and then he rolled his eyes. Jayne scooted to the end of the couch, and before Simon could protest, Jayne was pulling him over onto the couch, and then Jayne’s lips were against his.

It was a wet, squashed uncomfortable kiss, and Simon was half on the couch, half trying to pull away, but Jayne wouldn’t let him. Suddenly Jayne’s mouth opened above his, and he began to suck on Simon’s lip, coaxing him to relax and open up under his lips.

Simon found himself sort of …melting against Jayne, as horribly cheesy as that sounded. Jayne was warm and the kiss sparked between them. Simon opened his mouth and felt Jayne’s tongue searching him out, and bending him, willing him to relax into the kiss. However, the kiss wasn’t relaxed, it was anything but, and the more Simon gave in the hotter it became. It was like electricity between them, bouncing around and growing more intense. Simon was vaguely aware of sitting more fully onto the couch and Jayne’s hand letting go of his shoulder. Slowly they sunk into the kiss; it was almost like breathing underwater. Simon didn’t want to continue, but he couldn’t help it. Nothing else mattered at the moment.

Jayne slowly started to nudge Simon backward, laying him back against the couch. In the back of his mind, Simon realized his shoulder was jammed into the arm of the couch uncomfortably; he ignored it and let Jayne settle on top of him. It was the best kiss Simon had had in a long while, but this wasn’t right. This was only going to make things worse between them.

So after what felt like an eternity, Simon broke the kiss. “Wh-what? We-” He was flushed and confused and more turned on than ever.

Jayne silenced him with another kiss, and they were almost drawn back into their sexual haze. Jayne broke away though. “You think too gorramn much, Doc. Just stop thinkin’ for a while.”

And so Simon did.

And birds go flying at the speed of sound
To show you how it all began
Birds came flying from the underground
If you could see it then you'd understand
Oh, when you see it then you'll understand

Simon didn’t understand why he had just had sex with Jayne Cobb. There was no logical explanation why he’d just had the best orgasm of his life. He was attracted to Jayne, but he didn’t think he would ever understand why. He began to wonder if this would change things and what would happen when their crew mates discovered what had happened. And there was always River to think about.

“You’re thinkin’ again, aren’t ya?” Jayne poked him in the arm. He was sprawled out next to Simon, well as sprawled as they could be on a single-sized bed.

“I can’t help but wonder what will happen now,” Simon stated. He stared at the ceiling, and it actually seemed a bit alien. Things were already different, or maybe he just felt different.

“Things ain’t gotta change.” Jayne sat up and fiddled around with something on the floor before returning to his previous position. This time he had a flask of some kind of liquor with him. “We ain’t gotta get all weird. I don’t know about you but that was a hell of a thing, what we just done. Gorramn good.” Jayne took a swig of the alcohol before offering it to Simon.

Simon accepted the bottle, took a swig and began to cough. Jayne laughed, and Simon sat up. He covered his mouth while he coughed, “What the hell is that?! Here.” He gave the bottle back and tried to get his bearings.

Jayne laughed and slapped him on the back. Simon finished clearing his throat and looked down at Jayne. Jayne had a sated grin on his face with one arm behind his head, and the other was lingering on Simon’s lower back from the coughing fit.

The heat of Jayne’s skin made him feel anxious and turned on, the rough calluses on Jayne’s palm were oddly arousing. Simon’s hand found Jayne’s wrist, and he slid Jayne’s hand into his own, heat blossoming between their fingertips. Their hands began to move, almost caressing each other.

“So nothing will change?” Simon said at last. “We’ll just go back to the way things were before?” They both kept their eyes on their hands, moving together.

“Yeah.” Jayne said it, but neither believed it. Their eyes met, and Simon had the urge to lean down and kiss Jayne.

When he gave in to the urge, he was surprised to find Jayne meet him halfway.


Thank you!

P.S. Feedback = Love. :)
Tags: fic, firefly, simon/jayne

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