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Supernatural - Castiel fresco

December 2010



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Nov. 13th, 2020

Other - Pencil

My list.

So one day, today in fact, I decided to make a list. This is the list of things I want to do before I die. I know, that's a bit weird, but I don't want to be 85 and never have really experienced anything that I always wanted. So as corny and weird as it sounds here is my list.

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That's all for now. The list is a work in progress. :)

Dec. 29th, 2010

SGA - Rodney Alone


My cat Sofie was put to sleep last night.

She wasn't even 10 years old. She was the best cat in the world and I don't know why she's gone.

She never hurt anyone or anything, she had an affinity for chewing on plastic. She loved to look out the window and knead and sleep on blankets. She was finicky and always wanted to smell your hands before you pet her.

She had nightmares sometimes, she would wake up and run to us crying.

She died of complications due to cancer. We didn't even know what was wrong with her. We took her in because a week ago she hurt her leg and we thought she had reinjured it. We went in with the expectation of leg injuries and left without her.

I don't know what to do now. I don't understand how she can be just gone. I don't understand why she's not here. I'll never be able to understand this. She's in heaven but I just want to hold her and cuddle her again. I wish she had understood how much I love her.

I'll never forget her and I wish I had been able to spend more time with her.

Sep. 11th, 2010

Supernatural - Dean Color Wordless

I'm too old to deal with this crap

Hi guys!

Oh man my back is killing me, I pulled a muscle in it or something and it hurts like a mother fucker.

I've been working a lot of course. My company gave me a key and my 90 days is up this coming week. Cross your fingers for me. :)

I don't have a whole lot to tell otherwise, I kind of have no life... Haha, I think I've read two fics in the last two weeks and they were both pretty short.

I had a friend come down for labor day weekend and we did all kinds of cool stuff, like bowling and watching movies and getting high and going to a corn festival. That was the coolest.

I dunno, I've just gotten lonely and boring and watered down... Eh well.

Aug. 23rd, 2010

Supernatural - Love @ Work

Oooh EEE Ooo Ah Ah Bing Bang Walla-walla Ting Tang

Ooo Eee Ooo Ah Ah Bing Bang, Walla-walla, Bing Bang!

Haha. So my life has become this crazy routine of work, chill out, sleep, work, chill out, sleep. It's crazy how much of my energy is spent working. I'm thankful to have a job, but it's exhausting having to keep up.

I feel good about my job, though I still feel shitty about my life, if that makes sense.

I think I'm learning more and more who I'm supposed to be and what will make me happy.

I went on a road trip last weekend to Kentucky for a family reunion. It was good and kind of crazy at the same time. It was hotter than hot out and if you've ever gone to Kentucky it's pretty humid and it's the south. You wouldn't think geographically where it's located that it would be, but it's the south. Some of the family that I saw, their parents were cousins, NO JOKE, NONE!

Going to Kentucky kind of made me realize how much I've already done with my life. I mean to them, Columbus is a big city, Pittsburgh would be scary as hell. Going away to school is pretty daunting, but in a big city, in a major that's not really practical, well that's a bit different than what they're used to.

But anyway, Kentucky is good for understanding what it means to accomplish something.

Lately I've been yearning to travel the world again. It's not that I'm not grateful to have a job, but I just know that I want more. I'll never not want more. I feel like my purpose in life is to see and do as much as possible. I logically know I'll never go into space or become famous, but there's just something inside of me that still wants it so bad that I can't help and believe in it a little bit. No matter how much I tell myself it's impossible, I can't help but dream. That's so freaking ghey, but true at the same time.

I don't know what's going to happen, I have this tentative plan to stick it out with my job for a couple of years, but I don't want to become static. There are so many things I want to do that not only do I have to keep going and keep pushing myself, but I need to put my plans in place and just work, work, work for these goals.

I need to work harder.

That is all.

Jul. 22nd, 2010

Supernatural - Love @ Work


Okay, so forgive me because I'm high as shit right now.

So Mom and I are watching the Supernatural episode with Samhain, and like I was thinking about how stupid and like not real it would be if the Angels really came to Sam and Dean for help with a case. If it was true it would totally be like the angels are humans with like one extra thing.

Like it would be like as if Angels were humans but with the prima guide to life. Plus you know the like cheat codes or something.

I love that comparison it's aweome.

Mmmmm firelflies at night, it's like it totally reminds me of like summer or like night when you're at camp. Gosh that was the best. I loved camp. Doing really cool things like expieriences you've never done before and then tiring yourself out and getting hot and gross and taking a shower in the weird as hell showers and go to sleep on those hard beds but it was all worth it to be in the country and smell the clover and bonfire (haha I just wrote bongfire) and the summer air and the feeling of new and different and it's cool and the sun goes down over a beautiful sunset. and you have to walk back to your cabin in the dusk with the fireflies and the wind is gently blowing and it's like magic.

God I remember that feeling and I love it. I think that's my favorite feeling. I'm an emotional person and I hate a lot of my feelings and to say that I've figured out my favorite feeling is like crazy. Crazy.

I'm high as shit right now.

Uriel is such a weirdo. Sam has weird girl hair. He can pull it off cause he's so manly. You know it's funny that like we always think of Sam as like the more like in-tune-with-his-feelings one and well more girly ((despite the fact that Dean is a big girl's blouse)) than Dean. Like but if you think about it Sam is like manly as hell. I mean Sam has a really manly job. I think

Sorry I got distracted by the Chuck Norris List and Dean's awesomeness.

John Winchester doesn't fear Chuck Norris, you can't fear an ally.


Jul. 14th, 2010

Supernatural - Dean smiley bluegreen

Dude my life is sooooo busy!

I am so exhausted. I have been working like a dog. I am not getting paid enough for my job, I figured that out the first week. I've been going in at 8 and leaving between 6 and 6:30.

This week we're celebrating the grand opening of a coffee shop so it's kind of cool because I'm getting to see all these designs I've created come to life, but it's also pretty crazy hectic with tons of projects to get finished. I had to build an entire website from concept to live in like 5 days. Tomorrow I get to code a blog in addition to the site.

It's funny just how much time is taken out of my day due to my exhaustion from work. I get home at 7 and then have to deal with dinner and a shower, by then it's like 8:30 and then half the time after that I have laundry to do so even when I'm watching tv or whatever I am still busy.

On the up side the owner of the company told me he was impressed with my work and I was told to order myself some business cards. Then my boss got me (or the graphic designer who would have my job) a new computer. If you recall I was kind of upset at having to use my own computer at work, so it's kind of good that they bought a computer for me. I originally thought that they bought it for me cause they knew that I was using my own computer and they wanted to let me take mine home, but I realize now that it's because the adobe software I was using was a 30 day trial and instead of using a licsence up on my personal computer and then having to use another one later when they eventually bought a computer, they just went ahead and purchased the office computer earlier so that they could use the licsense on the eventual computer. Or maybe I really do have a long term job.

Right now my biggest fear with the job is that it will become a production assistant job, where I don't have any control creative or otherwise. I want to be able to own what I do and take pride in my work and I can't do that if all I'm doing is simply production.




Woo! So that will be a fun night. :D

Jul. 3rd, 2010

Brokeback - EnnisFireworks

Hey Hey!

Okay, so Happy 4th of July weekend everyone!

I have Monday off, yay!!

I'm going to a cookout tomorrow night, and hopefully we can have fireworks. :D I got paid yesterday for the first time! I feel so rich I don't know what to do about it. I'm really really really going to try and not spend it. Besides the 100 or so dollars I've already spent and the couple hundred I've spent on the clothing that I needed for my job.

I've been really bad about reading fic. I have maybe 1-2.5 hours free a night above and beyond things that I feel I have to do or get done so I usually spend that time attempting to read or watching TV. I desperately need to clean my room, it's too cluttered and I have like three loads of laundry to deal with.

Besides all that, work is going well. I created a website yesterday, and if you knew what it was you could see it live. :D

It's funny how much I'm learning on my job simply by needing to look things up for a project. I'm like a sponge. :)

I really wanted to make some more icons or something, but my computer is at work. I really hope that the company will buy a computer for me so that I won't have to deal with not having mine at home. Weekends are going to suck when summer is over otherwise.

I think that's it for now, talk more later. :D

Jun. 29th, 2010

Supernatural - Love @ Work

Life is speeding past my head.

My God having a job is exhausting. I get up around 6:30 every morning, head to work at 7:30, work from 7:45-5:45 and then come home where I have to do some gardening, or clean, or do laundry, or cook dinner. I'm lucky to get 2 hours to myself each night.

My job is going well. It's extremely busy, but there are a multitude of different projects to keep me busy, and I think I'm doing okay. I can't wait until my life is more in order, meaning I've caught up. I got my job and started so suddenly that I wasn't really able to put my life in order and prepare for work.

You'd think that I would have had some time on the weekends, but the first weekend after I started I went to a festival and visited family and then last weekend I drove to Cleveland to get a friend to come down to Columbus and go to a different festival with me.

This upcoming holiday weekend will be good because I'll have three days, and at least one of them I can spend relaxing.

I'll report more on my job later, but for now I'm exhausted and I need to sleep. ;)
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Jun. 24th, 2010

Harry Potter - Ron wave


The current livejournal bar is ugly.

Anyway. I am so sleepy, I have to get up at freaking 6:30. The job is going well, I'm working hard and spending time at the office. :D I don't have as much free time as I'd like, but that's because I'm sort of in the process of getting established/working in a routine.

I don't have much to post today, just saying hey and letting you all know I'm still here! :)
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Jun. 16th, 2010

Emotions - GrumpyOldMan

Weird things at the job

It seems like it would be a cool job but they made me bring in my personal computer on the first day which is not cool. I have all of my files and design stuff on that computer and I had to take it in so suddenly I only had time to delete the nefarious stuff without making a backup of the rest of it. I really need to get another computer, if only so that I won't have to have my personal comp at work. I know I should wait until the 3 month trial is over but I feel very anxious about the situation.

In other news I'm like bitterly irritated because my family was going out to dinner tonight for my grandma's birthday and I was really looking forward to celebrating my job. However instead of letting me know what time they were going to dinner, like they told me they would, they just went and decided to skip cluing me in so now they've ordered and are at the restaurant.

Whatever, stupid and gay.
Harry Potter - HermioneStoryGirl


I'm now employed.

Let that sink in.

Aaaand I start today. Haha! I will have to use my own computer, which sucks because I won't be able to like ever bring it home because it's so huge, but other than that, awesome.

I'm going to have like a three month trial period where I evaluate them and they evaluate me. But I have a half day today and I start tomorrow. I guess the guy they have is leaving tomorrow, so I have to like get everything I can from him.

I don't really feel super happy about it, I'm just like 'okay.' That's so weird, I don't think it's really sunk in yet.

Last night I was feeling a lot of trepidation because I was unsure as to if I was ready to take on so much responsibility, but it sounds like it will be interesting and kind of exciting.

Let's hope it works! :D
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Jun. 15th, 2010

Emotions - SPN Becky OMG YES!!!


I just got a call from the company I've been interviewing with for my dream job, they want me to come in tomorrow to discuss some things before they extend any kind of offer.



I am trying not to get super excited. Oh please oh please.
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Jun. 14th, 2010

Supernatural - Castiel

Oy Vey

I'm so tired. We celebrated my Grandma's 85th birthday at my aunt's house today. It was pretty cool, my aunt has a pool so there was much swimming and enjoyment.

I'm like uber tired now though, sleepy, physically tired, and my skin is like sunkissed.

Other than that I'm meh.

I posted a facebook status on Facebook saying that I was ashamed to be an American because of the oil spill, and I live in Ohio so oh what a joy it was to say things like that in front of my mostly republican family.

I don't know, it's like on one hand I am ashamed and I do feel that way, but on the other hand I don't like to make waves and I'm pretty much a slave to whatever other people think. Actually saying something that I know others will disagree with is really really hard for me.

I posted that and then the SECOND I walked in the door to my aunt's house she was on me like white on rice saying that I shouldn't ever say that. Then I spent 10 minutes crying in the car because I couldn't stand the thought of her not liking me.

Sometimes I just think that no one cares. Okay that's a lie, I always feel like no one cares. I mean I KNOW they do on a lot of levels, but I feel like after a while, a few years or something it wouldn't matter if I was gone. Yeah okay it would matter to my Mom, but other than that... *shrug*

I don't know I just it makes me anxious to think of people not liking me. Like REALLY anxious, I pretty much live my life the way I want, but in the parameters of what others would find normal. That's just the way I am I guess.

Blah. Okay time to rest.

Jun. 12th, 2010

Supernatural - BitchyJennyNoir

You know what pisses me off

This is random, but it really annoys me.

I hate it when you want to read a fic, or someone posts a fic, and they have decided to change the default font. That royally pisses me off. I PREFER the default fonts that I have, and just because the author doesn't like them doesn't mean I don't want the option to view it my way. And depending on the overriding font, I can't even use Firefox's 'No Page Style' option to clear it up. It's aggravating and so beyond annoying to me. *glares*

Jun. 10th, 2010

Brokeback - EnnisFireworks

I know I'm being annoying at this point

Where are these quotes from. TV or movie, I know that:

"How do you feel?" [Asked calmly]

"Better." The person who says it is surprised and maybe slightly impressed, like they didn't expect whatever helped them feel better would actually work. I'm also pretty sure this person is male.

Any help would be amazing, I know it's not much to go off of.

EDIT: I figured it out, it's a quote from Happy Gilmore, after Happy finds his happy place. ;)
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House - Foreman Paper


I'm like a wreck, every time the phone rings I get a shot of adrenaline and have this tiny heart attack.

I keep like trying not to think about the phone, but it's REALLY heard. My stomach STILL has butterflies.

I have this like fear that if they don't like me or want me they won't tell me either... that seems to be a common trend with employers, don't tell the person they didn't get it. So I'm trying to psych myself up for the pain.

I was fine earlier, I was all happy and hopeful and nervous and I was thinking, what's the worst that could happen if I DON'T get it? And it was all fine, but as the minutes go by I keep thinking that I'm going to break.

Gah, I just need to stop thinking about it for a while.

Obviously if you've been reading my journal you know I'm like an emotional mess. I have really really bad emotional coping mechanisms when it comes to stress (physically and emotionally) and I don't bother to filter them out on LJ, so you can see clearly that I'm like this chaotic ball of emotional crazy.

If I manage to get this job, or when I get a job I'm planning to pay for therapy to help me cope with the emotional ups and downs I feel. I need a better handle on how to control that aspect of myself, and I'm not making any improvements on my own.

My stomach is all fluttery and it's so unnerving, I've never felt this hopeful about a job before. EVER in my entire life. I am seriously afraid that if I don't get this position I'm going to break again. Logically I don't want that to happen and I logically know that it's okay, there are other fish in the sea, but I also logically know that I am a really emotionally raw person.

I need to meditate or something, I'm like crazy on edge about this situation and I've never really experienced such nervousness before... gah.

Sorry for the long post, just some things I needed to talk about.
Supernatural - Love @ Work

I never thought it could be like this...

I don't know what to say. My stomach is doing summersaults because this company has the EXACT same philosophy and values that I do. They are perfectionists and innovators, they are a family of people that believe in doing things as best as you can and working as hard as you can to create perfection.

This is the perfect job for me. This is my dream job.

I have gone on a few interviews and had a few jobs in the past but none of them felt like such a good fit as this one.

I really hope that they call me. I want them to call me so badly and I think and feel this is the right place for me to start again.

I feel moved and hopeful and nervous and utterly indescribable in this hope that I have for this career that seems perfect.

They said that they would let me know by the end of the day and I pray that they call because not only is it perfect, but I will also have a really hard time going on other interviews after talking with this company.

Thank you for all of your well wishes and pray for me.
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Jun. 9th, 2010

Harry Potter - HermioneStoryGirl


Oh man, I just got back from my interview/running errands. The interview went well and the job sounds PERFECT for me. I really really really really really really want the job. It's absolutely perfect. Less than 10 minutes from home, doing a multitude of projects from every aspect of graphic design at a suave and chic company that KNOWS GOOD DESIGN. It's like my dream job.

I, god I really really really want it so bad. I hope they call oh I hope they call.

When I went to the interview I met with one lady and then she brought another lady into the meeting. I want to send a thank you note but I don't know the second lady's name. :0 I'm not sure what to do about this. I feel stupid calling and asking, and I know she was introduced to me once by name but I can't for the life of me remember what it was. WHAT DO I DO?!? MY DREAM JOB IS HANGING BY THE HOPE OF KNOWING THIS WOMAN'S NAME!!



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Jun. 8th, 2010

Supernatural - Dean loves it!

Today is a bit brighter than yesterday

I have an interview tomorrow for a REALLY great company. God I'm so nervous and hopeful.

In honor of my good mood have some awesome SPN Vids under the cut. :D

Music Vids this-a-wayCollapse )

Emotions - SPN Becky OMG YES!!!






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