So one day, today in fact, I decided to make a list. This is the list of things I want to do before I die. I know, that's a bit weird, but I don't want to be 85 and never have really experienced anything that I always wanted. So as corny and weird as it sounds here is my list.
She wasn't even 10 years old. She was the best cat in the world and I don't know why she's gone.
She never hurt anyone or anything, she had an affinity for chewing on plastic. She loved to look out the window and knead and sleep on blankets. She was finicky and always wanted to smell your hands before you pet her.
She had nightmares sometimes, she would wake up and run to us crying.
She died of complications due to cancer. We didn't even know what was wrong with her. We took her in because a week ago she hurt her leg and we thought she had reinjured it. We went in with the expectation of leg injuries and left without her.
I don't know what to do now. I don't understand how she can be just gone. I don't understand why she's not here. I'll never be able to understand this. She's in heaven but I just want to hold her and cuddle her again. I wish she had understood how much I love her.
I'll never forget her and I wish I had been able to spend more time with her.
Haha. So my life has become this crazy routine of work, chill out, sleep, work, chill out, sleep. It's crazy how much of my energy is spent working. I'm thankful to have a job, but it's exhausting having to keep up.
I feel good about my job, though I still feel shitty about my life, if that makes sense.
I think I'm learning more and more who I'm supposed to be and what will make me happy.
I went on a road trip last weekend to Kentucky for a family reunion. It was good and kind of crazy at the same time. It was hotter than hot out and if you've ever gone to Kentucky it's pretty humid and it's the south. You wouldn't think geographically where it's located that it would be, but it's the south. Some of the family that I saw, their parents were cousins, NO JOKE, NONE!
Going to Kentucky kind of made me realize how much I've already done with my life. I mean to them, Columbus is a big city, Pittsburgh would be scary as hell. Going away to school is pretty daunting, but in a big city, in a major that's not really practical, well that's a bit different than what they're used to.
But anyway, Kentucky is good for understanding what it means to accomplish something.
Lately I've been yearning to travel the world again. It's not that I'm not grateful to have a job, but I just know that I want more. I'll never not want more. I feel like my purpose in life is to see and do as much as possible. I logically know I'll never go into space or become famous, but there's just something inside of me that still wants it so bad that I can't help and believe in it a little bit. No matter how much I tell myself it's impossible, I can't help but dream. That's so freaking ghey, but true at the same time.
I don't know what's going to happen, I have this tentative plan to stick it out with my job for a couple of years, but I don't want to become static. There are so many things I want to do that not only do I have to keep going and keep pushing myself, but I need to put my plans in place and just work, work, work for these goals.
Okay, so forgive me because I'm high as shit right now.
So Mom and I are watching the Supernatural episode with Samhain, and like I was thinking about how stupid and like not real it would be if the Angels really came to Sam and Dean for help with a case. If it was true it would totally be like the angels are humans with like one extra thing.
Like it would be like as if Angels were humans but with the prima guide to life. Plus you know the like cheat codes or something.
I love that comparison it's aweome.
Mmmmm firelflies at night, it's like it totally reminds me of like summer or like night when you're at camp. Gosh that was the best. I loved camp. Doing really cool things like expieriences you've never done before and then tiring yourself out and getting hot and gross and taking a shower in the weird as hell showers and go to sleep on those hard beds but it was all worth it to be in the country and smell the clover and bonfire (haha I just wrote bongfire) and the summer air and the feeling of new and different and it's cool and the sun goes down over a beautiful sunset. and you have to walk back to your cabin in the dusk with the fireflies and the wind is gently blowing and it's like magic.
God I remember that feeling and I love it. I think that's my favorite feeling. I'm an emotional person and I hate a lot of my feelings and to say that I've figured out my favorite feeling is like crazy. Crazy.
I'm high as shit right now.
Uriel is such a weirdo. Sam has weird girl hair. He can pull it off cause he's so manly. You know it's funny that like we always think of Sam as like the more like in-tune-with-his-feelings one and well more girly ((despite the fact that Dean is a big girl's blouse)) than Dean. Like but if you think about it Sam is like manly as hell. I mean Sam has a really manly job. I think
Sorry I got distracted by the Chuck Norris List and Dean's awesomeness.
John Winchester doesn't fear Chuck Norris, you can't fear an ally.
I am so exhausted. I have been working like a dog. I am not getting paid enough for my job, I figured that out the first week. I've been going in at 8 and leaving between 6 and 6:30.
This week we're celebrating the grand opening of a coffee shop so it's kind of cool because I'm getting to see all these designs I've created come to life, but it's also pretty crazy hectic with tons of projects to get finished. I had to build an entire website from concept to live in like 5 days. Tomorrow I get to code a blog in addition to the site.
It's funny just how much time is taken out of my day due to my exhaustion from work. I get home at 7 and then have to deal with dinner and a shower, by then it's like 8:30 and then half the time after that I have laundry to do so even when I'm watching tv or whatever I am still busy.
On the up side the owner of the company told me he was impressed with my work and I was told to order myself some business cards. Then my boss got me (or the graphic designer who would have my job) a new computer. If you recall I was kind of upset at having to use my own computer at work, so it's kind of good that they bought a computer for me. I originally thought that they bought it for me cause they knew that I was using my own computer and they wanted to let me take mine home, but I realize now that it's because the adobe software I was using was a 30 day trial and instead of using a licsence up on my personal computer and then having to use another one later when they eventually bought a computer, they just went ahead and purchased the office computer earlier so that they could use the licsense on the eventual computer. Or maybe I really do have a long term job.
Right now my biggest fear with the job is that it will become a production assistant job, where I don't have any control creative or otherwise. I want to be able to own what I do and take pride in my work and I can't do that if all I'm doing is simply production.
Anyway, other than work I haven't had much time for anything else. I did hear yesterday that KANSAS, YES FUCKING KANSAS, CREATORS/SINGERS OF THE SUPERNATURAL ULTRA MEGA AWESOMENESS HIT 'CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SON' ARE PLAYING IN COLUMBUS AT PICNIC WITH THE POPS!!!!
I'M TOTALLY GOING TO GET TICKETS FOR ONLY 18 DOLLARS!!!!!!!!
I'm going to a cookout tomorrow night, and hopefully we can have fireworks. :D I got paid yesterday for the first time! I feel so rich I don't know what to do about it. I'm really really really going to try and not spend it. Besides the 100 or so dollars I've already spent and the couple hundred I've spent on the clothing that I needed for my job.
I've been really bad about reading fic. I have maybe 1-2.5 hours free a night above and beyond things that I feel I have to do or get done so I usually spend that time attempting to read or watching TV. I desperately need to clean my room, it's too cluttered and I have like three loads of laundry to deal with.
Besides all that, work is going well. I created a website yesterday, and if you knew what it was you could see it live. :D
It's funny how much I'm learning on my job simply by needing to look things up for a project. I'm like a sponge. :)
I really wanted to make some more icons or something, but my computer is at work. I really hope that the company will buy a computer for me so that I won't have to deal with not having mine at home. Weekends are going to suck when summer is over otherwise.
My God having a job is exhausting. I get up around 6:30 every morning, head to work at 7:30, work from 7:45-5:45 and then come home where I have to do some gardening, or clean, or do laundry, or cook dinner. I'm lucky to get 2 hours to myself each night.
My job is going well. It's extremely busy, but there are a multitude of different projects to keep me busy, and I think I'm doing okay. I can't wait until my life is more in order, meaning I've caught up. I got my job and started so suddenly that I wasn't really able to put my life in order and prepare for work.
You'd think that I would have had some time on the weekends, but the first weekend after I started I went to a festival and visited family and then last weekend I drove to Cleveland to get a friend to come down to Columbus and go to a different festival with me.
This upcoming holiday weekend will be good because I'll have three days, and at least one of them I can spend relaxing.
I'll report more on my job later, but for now I'm exhausted and I need to sleep. ;)
Anyway. I am so sleepy, I have to get up at freaking 6:30. The job is going well, I'm working hard and spending time at the office. :D I don't have as much free time as I'd like, but that's because I'm sort of in the process of getting established/working in a routine.
I don't have much to post today, just saying hey and letting you all know I'm still here! :)
It seems like it would be a cool job but they made me bring in my personal computer on the first day which is not cool. I have all of my files and design stuff on that computer and I had to take it in so suddenly I only had time to delete the nefarious stuff without making a backup of the rest of it. I really need to get another computer, if only so that I won't have to have my personal comp at work. I know I should wait until the 3 month trial is over but I feel very anxious about the situation.
In other news I'm like bitterly irritated because my family was going out to dinner tonight for my grandma's birthday and I was really looking forward to celebrating my job. However instead of letting me know what time they were going to dinner, like they told me they would, they just went and decided to skip cluing me in so now they've ordered and are at the restaurant.