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Supernatural - Castiel fresco

December 2010

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Firefly - Damn Heroes

Simon/Jayne firefly annoyance

Ok, I'm so annoyed, I'm trying to write some smut intermixed with like actual fic and it's totally kicking my ass. I can't help but think it's sounding like crap. Tell me what you think, here is an excerpt(unedited):

Simon unzipped Jayne’s pants and slowly began to shove them down toward the other man’s feet. Moving in a sexual frenzy, ripping off clothes and trying to maintain contact, they both were moving as fast as possible to feel skin against skin.

Jayne cursed when he hit a snag with some of the buttons on Simon’s button-down. Jayne just growled and tugged a bit too hard and buttons went flying.

“You’re such a barbarian.” Simon panted, pulling Jayne closer.

Jayne grinned, “You know it shao biaozi.”


Guh, it only get's crappier from there.
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Comments

I like the dialogue. That sounds like them. My suggestion would be not to say "sexual frenzy." That just sounds too much like a romance novel to me. :)
I changed it. :) Hey could I possibly persuade you to beta this fic for me? I'm in the process of editing it, not like the Buffy/Angel one I'm still working on, and well just let me know, I completely understand if you can't. *smoochies*

Thanks babe. :D
Absolutely I'll beta it. Send it on. :)
Sent it. Thanks you rock!
Yayness, Cool. :)